Page 90 of SnowBound

21

ABIGAIL

Tears leaked from my eyes when I woke up with a start and tried to find a soothing position. I checked the time on my phone. Seven thirty-six. It couldn’t happen now. I wasn’t ready. No, the baby had to wait. I needed more time. More preparation. More everything. Dammit, how much more could I hurt right now? Sweat pearled on my forehead. I fisted my hands, hard enough to draw blood.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Pain radiated through my body. I shut my eyelids, picturing myself on a remote island, far from here, where the contractions weren’t real.

In vain.

I sucked in a shallow breath as my body shook with tremors.

Those damn breathing exercises were of no use.

In the past two months, I’d been dealing with Braxton Hicks contractions every few days. Right now, those felt nothing like these, the pain radiating all over my back, abdomen, and legs.

At that moment, I wished my mother was here and back to being the affectionate person she used to be when I was a small child. Or Ellie. She’d pull me into her arms and shield me from everything. Or anyone really, so I wouldn’t be on my own.

“I don’t wanna do it alone,” I spoke through clenched teeth. “I don’t wanna do it by myself.” The words escaped my mouth in between my sobs.

I folded in two, pleading with the contractions to stop. I had two more weeks left.

“Please, baby. Hang in there for a bit longer.”

I should have never had sex. What was I thinking? How could I have been so clueless about the consequences? I should’ve listened to my parents when they told me sex outside of marriage was bad. What am I saying? I make no sense. Since when did my parents’ words ring true? If I’d listened to them, I’d be exiled to Europe right now, being shamed for having a baby. A baby? Ohmygod, I am about to become a mother. I haven’t turned twenty yet. What was I thinking when I begged Andy to have sex with me? I could see now how wrong it had been.

Another contraction rocked through me.

Oh gosh. They are getting closer in time. How can I postpone this? There must be a way I can keep this baby inside of me, no? How am I supposed to deliver a baby? Can I go back in time? Change the last nine months? Ohmygod, it hurts so bad. Why does it have to hurt?

“No. No, no, no.”

This is not happening. I am deep asleep, and this is all a dream. I know because I have had many of them in the last month. And in my dreams, it has never ended well. Once, I gave birth to a goat. Another time, my baby had four legs. The last time, I died because the doctors cut me open, and my baby was an orphan because they had no way of reaching out to his daddy. He was crying, and I couldn’t comfort him because I had turned into a ghost.

My abdomen strained with a new contraction. “Fuck, it hurts.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I pressed my hands on each side of my rounded stomach, massaging the tension away.

Once the tautness disappeared, and realizing they were getting closer and not further apart, I grabbed my phone to call Ellie. The last time she was here, we’d packed a bag together and decided on a procedure for when labor started, which was right about ten minutes ago.

My fingers shook as I pressed the call button.

“Hey gurrrl,” she said, her usual cheerfulness on full display. “How is it going?”

I relaxed my jaw, forcing the words out. “Elles, it’s-it’s today. Now.” I breathed through the pain radiating to my back as another contraction worked through me. “Like now now.” Hot tears flowed freely down my cheeks.

“What? Like this is it? You’re in labor?”

I cursed under my breath. “Yes.” It sounded more like a moaning scream than an actual one-word answer.

“Are you sure?”

“Fucking positive.”

“Oh shit. Okay, wait. Breathe. Relax. Oh, wow. I can’t believe it’s happening. My god, Abby. Are you all right?”

“Ellie,” I said, with an edge to my tone. “Focus. I’m the one about to push a baby out of my vagina.” I inhaled. “On the list you made, it said to call you when the contractions were less than ten minutes apart.”