Page 82 of SnowBound

19

ABIGAIL

Sunday came too early, and I bawled my eyes out when Ellie left after dinner. I drove her to the airport and kept the rental until the morning. Earlier, we had moved all my possessions to the shelter, but she had insisted on keeping the hotel room for one more night so I could indulge, as she said. I had one last night at the hotel all by myself in this little bubble my best friend had created before the next chapter of my life began.

In the comfort of the queen bed, dressed in nothing but a white terrycloth robe, I watched a movie on TV, eating my weight in room service. Ellie had ordered me a buffet of chicken and pasta, dumplings, and chocolate cake.

My eyes landed on the small, square black-and-white picture I put in a frame that rested on the bedside table.

With a palm over my belly, I spoke to my baby. Something I did more and more often these days. I felt less alone, knowing I had someone to talk to.

“Your auntie Ellie left earlier. It’s the two of us now. I wish you could hear me. I’m still scared about this whole thing, and I know I’ll make mistakes along the way, but hang in there. Things will get better. Not sure how, but I have faith. Tonight, we can still pretend everything is going according to plan because tomorrow is unknown. I have no clue what to expect.”

A flutter moved through my stomach and brought a tilt to my lips.

“Tomorrow, we’ll have a new home, you and I. A temporary home. Until I find a job and we can get our own place. Let’s make the most of our last night here, okay? I need the rest. And soon we’ll live with other people, so things might not be as calm as they are now.”

After I brushed my teeth, I slid under the comforter, and in no time, sleep claimed me.

* * *

My first day at the shelter wasn’t that bad. I met Lucinda and Chloe. Lucinda was twenty-four and had a one-year-old little boy and a three-year-old daughter. She had escaped an abusive relationship three months ago. Chloe was sixteen and seven and a half months pregnant. She had run away from home at fourteen and lived in the street and crossed the country, jumping from one train wagon to the other for the last year. She was raped one night while she was high in an alley. She had been clean since she moved here four months ago. She worked ten hours a week at the used clothes store in the lobby of the building next door, and her goal was to get her high school diploma after she gave birth. Her baby would be placed for adoption. She had already picked a nice family and couldn’t wait to get out of here.

Both of them took me under their wings the moment I walked in.

Perhaps if I had friends while staying here, things wouldn’t be so bad.

Now, in the privacy of my own room, I was curled up in a ball under the covers. Everything about this place felt foreign. And for the first time since I had left my parents’ house, sadness hit me, and I couldn’t keep the tears at bay any longer.

For the longest time, I was a sobbing mess, clutching the blanket around me, wishing I could teleport myself anywhere else. I hated being here on my own. It reminded me of the time I went to summer camp when I was nine and couldn’t sleep because I felt like I didn’t belong.

My entire body shook as more sobs rocked me.

Six months ago, I had my life all planned. My ducks were in a row. I was a girl with a goal. Now I was lost. The child in me felt rejected. The teenager in me felt unworthy. All I wished for was some parental love. A hand to hold on to. Support. Acceptance.

“How did my life turn into this?” I asked no one. “How did I go from the kickass girl I used to be to sleeping in a shelter?”

The injustice of losing my college grant hurt more now than it did before.

Anger at Andy for not being here ate me up inside. I usually found excuses to not pin my situation on him, but right now I was upset. He did this to me. And didn’t have to deal with any of the consequences.

He would thrive while I would have to put all my own ambitions on the back burner to raise our child. The one we made together. Why was I the only one dealing with it then?

Tears blurred my vision. My entire self ached at the thought I had no one.

I didn’t wanna be here. For an instant, I fought with the urge to pack all my shit up and leave. Where would I go? Back to Silverville and live with Ellie? She had her boyfriend, her life, and school. And I had none of those. She would feel obligated to care for me and the baby, no matter how it impacted her own life.

No, I wasn’t selfish. Ellie already had done enough to help me out. I wouldn’t put her through my mistakes.

This was it. Loneliness never felt so lonely before.

With my arms around me, I rocked back and forth, trying to soothe myself and bring some comfort to my pain.

By the time my tears stopped a little, my eyes burned, and exhaustion wrapped itself tightly around me.

I fisted the covers harder, praying sleep would claim me and bring me a little peace for now.

All day, I had watched my phone, longing for a miracle. My parents pleading with me to come back home. Or for Andy to have found me.