Page 122 of Heimlock

Eventually, the crying ceases. With the freshest emotions cleansed, I’m able to inhale more easily than ever before. Grief and betrayal weigh on my heart, but it’s at a manageable level.

A headache batters my skull, though. I can’t remember when I last ate. In the darkness, with Kyrielle, it doesn’t matter.

She was ready to burn down my door because she thought I was in danger. What I didn’t tell her was that I’d only just realized I wouldn’t kill myself mere moments before she banged on the door.

Because I did consider it.

The idea of existing the rest of my life with this drain of shame sucking the life out of me …

Who would want to exist like that?

The betrayal of Fynn … we’ll never be the same. He knows Father’s death is my debt to reap. Has acknowledged it repeatedly. Even if he were unaware of the electrocution punishments, he literally electrocuted me. Dragons have unimaginable powers over the elements. It’s a privilege from Fortuna and should never be used for anything less than noble reasons.

Perhaps Fynn felt it noble to save his father — or me from possible prison. Possibly both. Which is why I challenged him to a Cairanin; something I definitely need to inform Kyrielle about.

After we eat.

“Are you hungry, Firefly?” I examine her shadowed face. She’s cried with me a few times. I’m sure she’s at least half as hungry as I am. And I’m starving.

“Yeah, definitely.”

I go to kiss her on the cheek and accidentally kiss her eye.

“Ugh! That was my eyeball!” she says, laughing.

“I meant to do that.” I’m trying to sound serious as I strike for another spot blindly, catching the opposite eyebrow.

“Trinte!” she laughs again, pushing me off. I strike again, landing one on her cheek, earning a cute giggle.

Shifting, I lay her out on the couch while I stand. “How does a peanut butter and pickle sandwich sound?”

“Disturbing. I’ll take three.”

“Three, coming right up.” With one last look at her laid out on the couch, I head into the kitchen and begin preparing our mini-feast. Everything in me feels so much lighter. It’s just devastating that this lightness has anything to do with Fynn hurting me.

I want to fix it. His intentions were undoubtedly pure. But that kill was mine, and he knows it. I’m still furious, but I’m a little ashamed of how hard I let myself hit him. Orliana was so terrified. That makes me sick to my stomach. There’s a good chance I triggered her, and that makes me want to shrivel from shame.

I’m a fountain of shame at this point, especially when I realize Fynn probably didn’t electrocute me to save either of us — he did it for Orliana. My skin had been smoking, and he was undoubtedly aware my control was barely there.

He electrocuted his brother to save his future wife.

Because I broke my promise. I swore that I wouldn’t ever try to kill Father around her. That promise was broken. I respect and understand why he’d chosen her.

Aside from all of that, there's no reason for that piece of shit to appear at headquarters. He’s never been invited. So why was he there?

And now … there’s the Cairanin.

Kyrielle is going to be furious.

Bringing the sandwiches to the stunning Fire Sprite, I hand her a plate and reach toward the lamp on the end table. “I need to tell you something.”

She blinks as the light turns on. It’s still dim, with warm orange light barely filling the shadows.

Right before taking a bite, she says, “What?”

“I challenged my father to a Cairanin.”

Her expression doesn’t change. “What’s that?”