Page 26 of The Commons

“Because… um… I…” I stutter, breathing heavy, not knowing what to say as he stares, looking at me so calmly, waiting patiently, so very patient, it is frightening. “I… I’m not a problem,” I spit out.

He smiles, then he smiles again, fully enjoying a thought it seems. “I think you are.”

My heart forgets to drop because of how calmly he utters it. I blink, not knowing what to say because I know he’s right; I am a problem because I am clearly trying to find my sister against this institution’s plans, but… he certainly cannot know that… can he?

His face is so chill, gazing on me, and now he draws close to my ears. I close my eyes, opening my lips to let some heat escape from within me and to breathe now that he cannot see me.

Then his voice, rougher than it’s sounded this entire conversation, says to me, “If I catch you breaking the rules again, death will be the last thing you have to worry about from me. Understand?”

My throat gulps. “I understand.”

His hands go to the door behind me, and it strikes it like a password of some sort, a surge of power shining. He pushes me against the door in a bang. I gasp, but I soon realize he just turned the electricity off somehow with his bare hands. He could have done that all this time, but simply chose not to. I want to be angry at him, but I immediately remember he might kill me. So, I keep my head down. Hoping he will let me leave now.

But he doesn’t. “Don’t move,” he utters with a frown. Then… His hands like daggers claw their way up my neck, tightly gripping my throat. Then he begins pressing on the place where that Evaper was placed on me during The Selection. My neck lights up with a small white circle. I notice from the transparent mirror in front of me. But I can hardly see as my eyes are shutting down, along with my throat. Air flow is suppressed as he is gripping my neck so tightly. His eyes glint, seemingly enjoying me beg.

“Please, please.” I squirm. “Please—” My mouth opens, holding onto the last air I have left. “Please, please, don’t kill me…”

His blue eyes stare at me with an indulgent gaze, eyeing me like this is simply another day in the park. Then snap. My neck.

Suddenly, I gasp, rising up and looking around to see I am still in the library. Oh my God, that was a dream! I’m panting, my body drenched in sweat, my eyes shooting around in horror. Was that a dream? It felt so real. What happened to me? Oh my world. I rush back to my dorm.

Looking at tosh, I realize it’s almost time for my Cognitive Test. As I am sneaking into the dorm, I find Zia sitting on her bed, crying.

“Hey, Zia, what’s wrong?” I sit on her bed and hold onto her hands. I’m still recovering, panting profusely from what just happened to me. I’m trying not to think about it. I’m too horrified.

“My Cognitive Test is tomorrow at 3 a.m. I feel so horrible. I feel sick. After class, Madam Dey asked to have a word with me. She told me that she knew about my history of anxiety and panic attacks. She told me I need to learn to control my feelings before tomorrow’s test.”

“Oh, Zia, I’m so sorry. She implied that your feelings will affect the test? Maybe she just wanted to warn you, or to make you feel stronger?”

But this only confirms my suspicions. I’m glad I read the books on meditation and emotions.

“She said too many things. I have to pass. This is my dream! I have to make it! My parents will never forgive me if I fail!” She sobs.

“Don’t worry, you won’t fail. The Cognitive Test has a low pass rate anyway. Most people will do poorly, so you will be okay.”

“You’re right, that is true. But can people die during it, do you think?”

“Oh no, I’m sure not. Don’t worry.” I encourage Zia to go to sleep because I need to get some sleep, and my body feels so weak and tired. “Come on, let’s get some rest, we have to wake up in a few hours.”

I comfort her and hold her close. At least Pesh did not move me to the point of tears. Though someone else almost did… in my dreams. I wonder if this has to do with the memory foam I sat on for two seconds in the O Library? I don’t know what just happened to me. But what I do know is this: In a few hours, I will face one of the most dangerous things I have ever experienced—The Cognitive Test.

CHAPTER 6

Cognitive Convictions

It is 2 a.m. I am second to last in a line of shivering students. Pesh administers a blue injection to each student, then a red-haired boy with gunmetal eyes sends each of us off into our respective pods.

It’s my turn. I approach closer, head bent of course, terrified of the 30-inch needle Pesh is about to strike into my head. I step forward, dragging my feet, but I pull my shrinking shoulders up to appear unafraid.

Pesh pulls back a tiny strand of my hair and puts it behind my ear. He rubs his hand around my temples twice. He pulls my head back, gripping onto the back of my neck with one hand. In the process, I see his sun eyes for a nano second. It’s like a blinding light that sends a shock through me, even from just a blurry glance. I’m not sure if I’m afraid of getting into trouble for breaking that rule again, even subconsciously. I hold in a gasp, but it escapes against my will, exposing me.

I look to the floor, trying to quiet my thoughts into a meditative state, but I have a bitter taste of dread in my mouth.

Instead of trying not to think of Levon, I utilize the technique I just learned from The Power of Synthesized Imagination. I imagine myself to be Levon. I imagine myself as lost. I imagine myself being alone. I imagine myself to be like her—the subject of someone else’s mind and findings. And since in real life, that person is me, I have to put myself in a meditative bracket as well. In my mind, I put myself outside the brackets and replace me.

I repeat this in my head, utilizing the transitive law in geometry: (If A = C and C = B, then B = A. Then, for this Cognitive Test, Me = Commons and Commons = Levon, so Levon = Me).

It’s confusing, but it makes sense to me now. It was all me, she was not a part of me, but she was me; The Commons and Levon—her pain was my pain, her problems were my problems.