Page 135 of The Commons

My breath hitches. The last time I saw this amount of missed calls from my parents, I was a child. I go to dial his number, and that’s when another call comes in. My hands hesitate for a moment, then I pick up.

“We’ve been calling you! Are you okay? Have you eaten? Are you well?” My dad barrages me with questions.

“Um… yes. I’m okay. So much has happened.” I look at the clock, realizing I don’t have enough time to tell him. Even if I did, it would be against the rules, so I just try to talk about something else. “I saw the 100 missed calls today. How come you guys haven’t called me since I’ve been here until now?” I ask, barely able to finish the words.

“My love.” My dad’s voice breaks. “When you were little, do you remember how I used to call you every other hour? How we used to? Your mom and I.”

“Yes.” I try to remember. “And I told you all to stop calling me so much.”

“When you said that to us, we were scared to lose you. We felt like we didn’t want to push our daughter away by being too clingy. We wanted you to feel comfortable, so we stopped bothering you. At least I did.”

“But it wasn’t a bother!” I struggle through the words. “I was just young. And…” A tear drops. “Still figuring things out.” I can’t believe that’s what made them pull away. “Why would you take me seriously? I was just a child!”

“We always take you seriously, love. We are so sorry that you felt like we didn’t care. That could not be far from the truth. Your mom told me about your conversation with her. It broke her. It broke me too. We never would’ve thought that the thing we tried so hard to practice to keep you close is the very thing that would push you away.”

My heart pounds. I can’t believe this. The emotions swell in my lungs. My throat tightens. “Is Mom there?” I ask, listening intently.

I hear movement, a soft breath, then her voice. “I’m so sorry for the last call. I didn’t want you to see me break down, but after we spoke, I fell on the floor and all I did was weep. I didn’t go to that meeting. I couldn’t. But I also couldn’t face you. I couldn’t bear for you to see me break down.”

Tears cloud my eyes, and I turn away from the door, trying to stop it from falling. But I am flawed by her words.

“Your father and I, after a while, when all his money had run out, had nothing. We were really, really poor. I had to work twice as hard and I just… I did it for you. I didn’t want to let myself slow down, afraid that if I did, I wouldn’t give you the life you deserved. I love you more than you will ever know. I am sorry for everything. You and Levon. You are the love of our lives. Even if we rarely show.” Her voice chokes and I… is my mom… crying?

“Be strong!” I hear my dad say to her.

Then she continues, her voice clearer now. “That day when I saw you cutting yourself, I tried to deny it. Because if I acknowledged it, I would stop. I wouldn’t be able to keep going, the emotions would consume me. I thought that you wouldn’t want me at such a time. That you would want your sister. So, I left. Because I thought you wouldn’t express yourself with me there.”

“Mom, I wasn’t going through anything… but wanting your love. I was hoping for you, not Levon.”

She chokes mid-sentence. “I’m so sorry! I’m sorry, my baby. My love, I’m so sorry! I love you! I can’t wait to see you. You are the most important thing in my life. And I love you.”

I hold back my tears. “I love you too, Mom!”

We take a moment in silence, neither of us speaking. Then, my eyes drift across the walls, and that’s when I see tosh flying outside the door, reminding me that my time will soon be up.

I seize the urgency. I finally confess, “I don’t know what I want to be, Mom. I hope you will still be proud of me, Dad.” I barely find the words to say it, the tears falling down my face now.

“Whatever you decide, my love, we will support,” my dad says.

“As long as it is a lawyer or a doctor or an engineer,” my mom teases.

We burst out laughing.

“What about Levon? How is she?” My mom’s voice cuts my thoughts off.

“I don’t think she’s ready to talk yet. But I’m with her,” I respond.

“Is she okay?” she inquires.

I take a moment, then after a while, I repeat my dad’s words. The words he said to me when he dropped me off earlier this year. “It will be okay! A little while, four years will come and pass, and we will see each other again. All of us!”

I look to see my time is almost over just as they say their goodbyes. The phone cuts as my words confess once more in the silence, “I miss you, Mom. I miss you, Dad. So very much...” A tear falls and this time, I don’t care who sees. My strength is in my heart. My strength is in my tears. I take a moment after dropping the phone and walk back into the hallway.

I peek into The Commons auditorium as a crowd of students flood in. I notice Zavish and Zia in the corner as Jordan joins them.

Zavish looks at the notification on the floating screen, mouth open. “Good riddance! Patron De Londe’s allegedly a criminal. This is horrible news for The Commons. Who will be our leader?”

Zia pounces on Zavish to whisper something to him, but he steps away and she nearly trips. Nothing has changed there.