Page 59 of Forever After Fall

“But if anyone ever finds out about what you’ve done, if the wrong people discover it, what then? I lose you too? You could land in a prison cell right next to Chris.”

“It’s a risk, I suppose. I try not to dwell on it and focus on the things I can control.”

“So do I. And getting involved with someone who I love only to have to watch them be torn away? I don’t know if I can handle that. Chris was one thing, Anson. He was a bad habit I needed to quit, but with you, it’s different. I don’t think I could handle losing you like that.”

“The Stocktons have turned over a new leaf, and so have I. Especially because of you and Ford. But I can’t change what’s happened in the past. What’s done is done.”

“And you don’t have regrets?”

“None. I can’t lie about that. I don’t regret any decision I made because they were all done to keep someone I love safe. I’d do that a million times over.”

“And you’d do it again? If the choice was there?”

“If it means keeping you or Ford or one of my siblings safe? No question.”

“So it’s a huge risk then for me too. I’d have to accept that no sooner I finally feel like I’m getting all the things I never knew I wanted, they could all be ripped away in an instant. You could be ripped away and locked behind bars. I’d be powerless to do anything to stop it.”

“I have my reasons for feeling like that wouldn’t happen, Bristol. I wouldn’t ask you to take a chance on us if I thought it was going to fail.”

“But you know the risk is there.”

“You’re right. It’s possible.”

She shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes that I can feel burning in my own. I rarely cry, but tonight it could happen. Losing her might be one of those rare occasions. How do you live without the person who makes you whole?

“And then what?”

“I don’t know. I can’t know the future. All I can know is now.” I try to keep it together for her sake. Falling apart won’t help this discussion or all the emotions she probably has after such a terrifying experience. All I can do is try to answer her questions and be patient with her feelings.

“I need time to think about that choice.”

“I understand.”

My heart breaks with that kind of understanding, but I give it to her all the same. I don’t know if I’d choose me if I were in her shoes. She could have a life untouched by all of this. She could find someone else without all my baggage. There would be a dozen guys out there eager to be hers. They’d be much less complicated and much more capable than I am of being what she needs. And in the end, all I want is for her to have what she needs.

TWENTY-SEVEN

Bristol

The next day, I sleep pretty much all day, avoiding the news, Anson, and my phone besides checking in on my mother and reassuring Ford that I’m all right. I’m too afraid I’ll want to cry again when I don’t have any tears left to give. Anson gives me my space, and Ford and I fall asleep in the living room watching reruns of our favorite movies. But the morning after that, I have to get up and face reality. I just have to put one foot in front of the other.

Chris is back in prison. Life is back to normal. Or at least as normal as it can be, given the wreck my life is at the moment. Chris couldn’t have had worse timing. But then that’s nothing new for him.

My first order of business is talking to Marlowe and Hazel, and I’m headed down to meet them at Hotcakes to do just that. I scribble a note on the counter, letting Anson know I’ve just snuck out to see them before the tourist crowds rush in on Marlowe as they have been recently. He and Ford are still asleep, and since they both still have work and school this morning, I don’t want to wake them. Selfishly, I want a little more time before I have to have a conversation with Anson too.

“Are you doing okay?” Hazel gives me a sympathetic look.

“I’m all right. Really. It was scary seeing Chris that desperate, not knowing exactly what he’d do. But somehow, I just knew in my gut that things would work out. I knew I had Anson and you and Ramsey out there, and you all always find a way.” I just didn’t realize what extremes they’d all go to to accomplish that goal.

“Well, I was told I couldn’t just bust into the attic and personally beat the hell out of him, which I really think was a disservice,” Hazel muses, trying to pry a smile out of me.

“I would have helped you, but smoking him out was pretty damn smart.” I have to give credit where credit is due.

“Bishop and Levi. Those two are fucking magic together. They seem to be able to MacGyver their way out of anything.”

“Well, I owe them. You think they’d like antiques or toys?”

“I think you give Aspen and Zeph a shopping spree at Many Moans and both of them will be very happy to help you out of any future situations.” Hazel grins as she mentions their partners.