Page 206 of Harbinger

“I suppose I can’t blame them,” I admit. “Sometimes I still want to believe they’re listening.”

A lump forms in my throat at the confession. Right now, I need to believe they’re listening, too. The last time I was here, the astrolatory was full. My family, along with most of the village, coming to share their final words with my father. Kieren was at my side. He carried my lantern then.

Tonight, I’m carrying his. A tear slips down my cheek as the unfairness hits me again.

I didn’t think I would be doing this alone.

Because Kieren was good and true, and he deserved more than the Stars ever gave him.

“I’m with you,” Bishop murmurs.

I swallow, guilt mixing with grief that I expected more. Some part of me hoped Broderic would come despite everything. Or Isidore would get over her shock from this afternoon and defy him. That Andry would get his chance to say farewell.

Because they should be here. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive Broderic for this.

Bishop places a palm on the small of my back, nodding to the glass above us where night is slowly bruising the sky. “It’s dusk.”

We move to the altar. It’s splattered with wax from all the Evensongs that came before. Someone has left a box of matches as if they knew I would forget to bring my own. Something about that makes me feel less lonely. I set the lantern on the stone and pick up a match.

“Do you want help?” he asks as I fumble to light one.

“Yes,” I say, dropping another match as soon as it strikes.

But Bishop extends his free hand, keeping the other firmly on me like he knows I need the anchor. The lines marking his skin begin to glow, and he lowers a finger to the candle inside the lantern. A small flame blossoms as the wick catches quickly, and a soft glow spills through the glass.

I stare at the light that will guide Kieren’s soul back to the Stars, more tears smarting my eyes.

“I’ll give you a moment.” His hand lingers just a bit longer before he slips outside. He won’t go far, especially since I refused to carry a sword into the sacred place. But he seems to understand that I need to do this alone.

I can’t look away from the flame, warm as it lights up the space like Kieren’s laugh.

Maybe this is how it was meant to be.

Just Kieren and me. Like it always was.

“I’m here.” My voice echoes faintly in the empty room. I suck down a shaky breath. With everything that happened, I never quite figured out what to say. Truthfully, part of me would rather face the wolf again than do this.

But that’s not what his soul needs to make the passage.

“I’m safe.” That’s what he needs to hear. But saying it feels like writing a letter I know he’ll never read.

“I thought you should know.” I laugh weakly, wondering why it’s different than the other times. “You were always there when we did this.” I never had to face it alone.

He was always there. For every heartbreak. For every adventure.

I just want to share one more moment with him. So, I start there. “You’ll never believe what happened today.”

My fingers tighten on the edge of the altar. “I saw a horned wolf in the Cinderwald today. They’re so much bigger than we thought.”

I can almost hear his excitement.

“This one came up to my chest. It was so tall.”

Almost see his eyes lighting up.

“Remember when we tried to sneak into the forest when we were kids?” Another dare. “You swore you heard something howl, and we ran all the way back to the barn.” The tightness in my chest loosens a bit as I laugh. “I’ve never run so fast in my life. I didn’t run today.”

There are so many stories I’ll never get to tell him now.