Page 80 of Bombshell

“I’m not going to steal her,” she says gently. Our eyes meet and I see something I thought we’d lost there: understanding.

“Watch her head,” I advise, passing the baby to her, my hand hovering protectively under her. “She’s still floppy.”

“Floppy?” Ginny repeats with a smile. “Is that a technical term?”

“I can’t think of a better way to describe it.”

The rest of the room is quiet until my brother clears his throat. “We’ll give you a moment.”

I breathe a sigh of relief when the men leave, and it’s just me and her and the baby. Ginny studies Ellie’s sleeping face, then she inspects her fingers and toes. It’s not like earlier when Malcolm was upset over me changing my mind. She’s not checking out a potential acquisition. She’s trying on the role of mother. I know because it’s the first thing I did when they handed Ellie to me in the hospital.

“She’s perfect,” she says softly.

Ginny wants to be a mother. I know that. It’s why she’s looking at her that way. The oddest wave of jealousy roles over me. She’s everything I won’t ever be now. A college graduate. A wife. Wealthy. But somehow I still have the one thing she wants.

“I’m sorry,” I say again. “I can’t explain why. I just know I can’t live without her.”

“She’s your baby. You love her.” She looks up and gives me a brittle smile. “I just wish I hadn’t fallen in love with the idea.”

“You and Malcolm will get another chance. You two just got married. I know losing the pregnancy was rough. I’m so sorry you went through that. I can’t imagine how much that hurts, but you can’t give up.” I want to reach out and take Ellie back, but I can’t bring myself to take her away from Ginny.

Ginny swallows, returning to stare at Ellie who’s smiling in her sleep again. “I can actually. Or, rather, I should. We had some tests done. I can’t have children.”

“But…” I don’t know what to say to this.

“I can get pregnant, but I’ll probably never carry to term,” she continues. “Cruel, isn’t it? But you’re right, there will be other babies. We can adopt. It will take time.”

“I didn’t know.” Why hadn’t my father told me? Would it have changed my mind? Not about keeping Ellie. Nothing could do that. But I might have thought about things more before I agreed to this plan.

“They’re going to cut you off,” she murmurs. “What are you going to do? Where will you go?”

“I have friends,” I say. Now I really want to grab Ellie from her arms, even though she’s not being harsh. She’s being as gentle as possible. It’s the truth that hurts. Still, I know Poppy will help me get on my feet once I tell her the truth. She’ll be furious. I can’t blame her for that, but I know she’ll understand once I explain.

“Are you going to stay here?” she asks.

“I don’t know.” I wish she would stop asking questions.

“London is expensive. Maybe you should return home.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” More than anything I want to be free of Valmont and my family moving forward. Right now, though, I want to hold Ellie and remind myself that I’m making the right decision. I’m sure that Ginny means well by asking me about my plans, but she has to know I haven’t had time to think about this. If I had, I would have come to this conclusion earlier and she wouldn’t be standing here with me.

“So, you’re going to stay here alone with a baby?”

“We’ll be okay.”

“If you came back, I could help you. Eventually, they’ll see reason,” she says.

“Will they?” Not for the first time I wonder if Ginny and I are living on the same planet. I don’t understand how she can write off all the ugliness she’s seen.

Another reason that I can’t trust her to raise my baby.

“I’ll make them,” she says fiercely. “You don’t have to do this alone, Adair. Bring the baby. I’ll get you an apartment. I have my own checking account. Malcolm doesn’t have to know. It will be our secret.”

“I just wait for them to change their minds?” I shake my head. I can’t see how that’s going to work.

“Look. You think you can do this, but you shouldn’t have to. You aren’t alone in the world. Plus, surely, the baby’s father is in Valmont. Was it that jerk from the wedding?” she asks.

I shrug. “Not sure. I didn’t feel like handing out a bunch of paternity test requests.”