Page 80 of Cross Me

“I am. Christ, I might not know much, but I know I’m in love with you.”

“Then you should go.” My voice trembled and he pulled away.

“I guess we won’t be one big happy, family after all.” He choked back a bitter chuckle, turning his face away. “Goodbye, Clara.”

“Goodbye, Anders,” I said in a small voice.

Before I could stop him, he leaned forward and brushed his lips over my forehead, lingering a moment too long. “Sorry,” he said, straightening up. “I had to kiss you just once.”

And then he was gone.

I watched him leave, knowing Alexander’s eyes were on my back—knowing he’d seen the whole thing. I was always acutely aware of his presence, but now I felt his gaze raking over me possessively. Sucking in a breath, I turned to face him.

Alexander’s stony face might have been unreadable to some. I recognized it as his battle mask. He was fighting to stay in control, the war raging within him. Norris appeared at his side along with Edward, and the two began to speak in low voices as my husband listened without a word.

They would need to strategize, of course. The information had been controlled and I’d just spilled it to an outsider they couldn’t keep quiet. I thought about telling them Anders wouldn’t say anything, but it didn’t matter. The boys would withdraw to the proverbial war room to plot.

“Just a moment,” Alexander said, cutting them off.

He crossed the room in four great strides and pulled me into his arms. His thumb brushed away a tear I didn’t know had fallen.

“X, I’m sorry,” I murmured, turning my face into his palm.

“Don’t apologize for my mistakes, Poppet,” he reminded me

“I shouldn’t have told him. It wasn’t my place—”

“It wasn’t your job to keep it a secret.” He kissed me swiftly. “I would, however, have liked some warning about you quitting the Games.”

“I knew you wouldn’t let me,” I admitted softly.

“I won’t exactly mind having you home, barefoot and pregnant.” He glanced behind him. “They’d like to discuss a few things.”

Security things, no doubt. They needed to plan what to do when my slip blew up in their faces. I nodded. “Not too late. I don’t want to sleep alone.”

“I won’t let you be alone or sleep,” he promised with a grin. He disappeared with a kiss, taking my heart with him.

I stood in the empty room, small and humbled. It was easy to feel that way under the gold leaf and chandeliers. But it was a symptom of something else. No matter how hard I tried, I didn’t seem to fit into this life. I was the insignificant nobody playing at being a Queen, and I was messing up at every turn.

“Fancy a walk?” a gentle voice asked. “Everyone’s gone off to worry about King and Country.”

I looked up to find Henry, hands shoved in his pockets and ascot undone. I’d never seen him looking quite this ruffled.

“I could use some fresh air.” I paused and reached down to pry off my heels. I sighed with relief as my toes sank into the plush rug.

“Someone will pick them up,” he reassured me.

At last count, nearly eight hundred people worked here, so he was undoubtedly right. “I never quite feel at home here,” I admitted to him, eyeing the shoes. “I can’t even leave my things lying around.”

“Maybe you should,” he suggested, offering me his arms. “The gardens?”

I nodded at the suggestion. It was early evening and not overly cool for March. The days had begun to lengthen, and so a few minutes later we found ourselves under the purple dusk of twilight.

“Will you be cold?” Henry’s forehead wrinkled as he looked at my bare feet.

“I have my own little furnace.” I patted my stomach. “I’m always too warm.”

We walked in companionable silence for a few minutes. It was early spring and the flower beds were barren, but there was something magical about the quiet. The grounds were dry, but the smell of rain hung in the air. We were in the middle of London and a world apart.