Page 48 of Cross Me

“You saved a lot of people that day.”

“Would that have mattered if she’d died?” He was calling my bluff, seeing through the face I wore as King to the heart of who I was underneath.

Because in truth the only life that mattered to me was hers. Admitting that would be admitting that I placed her above everything. Above myself. Above King and Country.

“It’s in the past. I trust you,” I told him. He needed to hear it. Our friendship had gotten me through one of the darkest periods of my life. Like Norris, he was more than just a member of my team. He was family. I clapped a hand on his shoulder and forced him to look at me. “I mean that.”

“She is safe with me,” he promised.

“I know.”

“So, is there anything to drink around here?” he asked.

I paused. It was a poor show to immediately back him into a corner now that we were mates again. He wasn’t going to like this bit. “I thought we would go out.”

“Go out? Did you hit your head?” Brex looked me up and down.

“There’s a pub down the way. I heard some of the guys talking about it. Might be fun.” It was best to leave out the particulars of who would be there. Brex would call it off if he knew Anders was going to be there. I’d pay for it later.

“You don’t really go out to bars,” he said slowly. It was a lackluster appeal to common sense.

“I used to,” I reminded him.

“That was before…” he trailed away.

Before I accepted the crown. When I’d had choices. He didn’t need to say it. We both knew it. We also knew that the right thing to do was to scare up a bottle of Scotch and stay put. But I wasn’t interested in the drink. I was interested in the company.

“If you’re set on this, we should take Norris.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured you’d say that.”

Norris had even more practice at standing by me when I was doing something irrational, but I hadn’t asked him for something this crazy in a long time. Still, when he answered the door, he only blinked in response. At least, he was good at putting on a show.

“This is a terrible fucking idea,” Brex told me, as he turned the car into the village. “I want my objections to be known.”

“You’re on the record,” I promised him.

Norris remained silent in the back. I’d refused to sit there and be driven around. I hadn’t been entirely upfront with my motivations for going out, but part of me didn’t want something normal. I thought back to nights I’d spent at bars and clubs before I’d met Clara. I didn’t want that life. But I wouldn’t mind feeling like an average guy occasionally.

The Dark Horse was a typical English pub. That is to say, it was built sometime in the last 1000 years, give or take, and hadn’t changed much since. The inside was dark and crammed with stools and tables, heavy drinkers and lost souls. I’d added a baseball cap to my ensemble for extra camouflage. I pulled its bill low over my eyes as I scanned the room.

No one bothered to look at us. We were just a group of guys at the bar. Some deeply ignored knot loosened in my gut. I was buying normalcy with borrowed time, but I would take it.

“I’ll grab us some drinks,” Brex muttered before disappearing into the crowd.

Norris and I made our way through the packed bar, looking for a table. A few passersby jostled us and Norris hesitated, instantly alert. I slung an arm around his shoulder and dragged him toward the back.

“There’s one.” I pointed to one in the far corner that was conveniently located next to a table full of racers I’d met earlier in the day at Silverstone.

He sighed heavily. I couldn’t hear it over the clamour of the crowd, but I saw it—and I felt it. It carried the weight of deep disappointment. “Is this a social engagement?”

“Happy coincidence,” I said, peeking out from under my cap.

He wasn’t buying it, but he followed me as I pushed my way to the empty table and dropped onto a stool.

The group from Silverstone was having a good time, judging by their boisterous laughter and the number of empty glasses on the table. I positioned my seat where I could keep an eye on them, watching carefully from under my hat.

“Perhaps, you should talk to him,” Norris suggested, leaning close to me so that I could hear him over the rabble.