Page 4 of Unbound

I can see now why the Order discouraged relationships and friendships and trusting each other beyond trusting our literal lives in someone else’s hands when we were out in the field on a hunt. Because when you’re close to someone, you can share the thoughts they don’t want spoken out loud. And when you know you’re not the only one questioning things, action can happen.

“Can I ask you something?” Mabel breaks the silence, turning her head toward me.

“You can,” I reply, offering a slight smile. “Can’t guarantee I’ll answer.”

“Fair enough,” she chuckles. A few more seconds of silence pass before she squeezes my hand. “I know you’re mad at Xavier for forcing you to open the door,” she begins. “But do you think that’s the whole reason you’re mad?”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe there’s a part of you that knew this was the only way things could go. There’s a part of you that knows you had to release this demon. So instead of being mad at him, you’re just mad at the situation. Maybe there’s even a part of you that knows locking him up wasn’t the best solution from the start. When something’s in a cage, there’s always a chance it can get out.” She pauses. “I know I just said all that, but I can’t stop thinking that maybe you’re mad because Xavier did what you couldn’t. And it’s what you knew had to be done. So, in a way, maybe you’re also mad at yourself.”

I stare at the ceiling, noticing a tiny dried paint drip near the chandelier. How many times has this room been painted? I let her words sink in, and once again, I’m taken aback by how introspective Mabel can be.

She’s right.

At the end of the day, I don’t think I would’ve been able to do it, and that was a consequence I would’ve had to live with. I don’t know what would happen if a demon took my soul. I don’t know if I’d turn evil. I don’t know if I’d suddenly succumb to the dark side and turn on everyone I love.

I’ve never really considered myself a dangerous person because I have a somewhat decent moral compass, but magic aside, I have the skills and abilities to cause major destruction. And if I add in the fact that I’m newly discovering my powers…

Could I have been used to open every single door the Blackwoods closed?

“You don’t have to answer right now,” Mabel says, giving my hand another squeeze. “Right now, you need a shower, and I’m gonna order some food for you and your brothers.”

“Do I stink?” I ask.

Mabel laughs. “No, but sometimes a shower can metaphorically wash things away.”

“True.” I pick up several strands of my hair and sniff them. “It does kind of smell like smoke.”

“It does,” she agrees. “But not in a bad way, I suppose. I mean, it’s going to remind you of a warehouse that burned because a demon came out with hellfire from a crack in the ground.”

We turn and look at each other for several seconds before we both laugh, knowing how insanely ridiculous that sounds out loud.

“Thank you,” I say, rolling onto my side.

“You don’t have to thank me.” Mabel smiles. “It might be weird for me to say this, but I’m glad I have the opportunity to be your friend.”

“It’s not weird, because I’m glad too.”

The words get choked up on their way out, and tears spring to my eyes. But instead of sucking it up and telling myself to knock it off like usual, I bring my knees to my chest and cry. Mabel puts an arm around me, hugging me while I do. I give myself a whole sixty seconds of crying before I sniffle, inhale, and force myself out of bed.

I could shower in here, and I’m sure there’s still a fluffy pink robe in the closet, but all of my clothes are in the room I share with Xavier. I stop at the threshold of the bathroom, looking in.

“All the boys are gone,” Mabel says, somehow knowing exactly what I’m thinking. “Well, except for your brother.”

“Okay.” I take a breath, fighting back more tears. I leave the room and walk down the hall, not stopping as I pass Antonio’s room. The door is closed but not latched, and I can hear the TV playing in the background.

He’s watching reruns of The Office, his go-to, feel-good, I-don’t-want-to-think-about-anything show. Grabbing a pair of black sweatpants and a cropped black T-shirt, I go into the bathroom. I turn on the water and stand beneath it for probably way too long before I finally wash myself and get out. I dry my hair and twist it into a messy bun on top of my head.

Male voices float up the stairs as I make my way down the hall, and I pause for just a second before continuing, not wanting to see Xavier. But the hesitation makes a knot form in my stomach. Other than when I first got here and hated his guts, I’ve always wanted to be near him.

I don’t have many healthy relationships to compare ours to—or really any relationships, if I’m being honest—but is this something we can come back from?

Maybe Mabel’s right, and he did what I couldn’t do. That doesn’t make the break in trust any less real.

“Hey,” Antonio says when I come into the kitchen.

He’s sitting with Leo, and there’s an obscene amount of Chinese takeout spread across the counter. Leo looks at me, and his face breaks into sadness. For a split second, relief washes over me as I go to him, thinking he’s going to pull me into a reassuring hug and tell me everything is going to be okay in a very Leo way.