Page 35 of Two for Charging

Luca frowned, trying to parse the phrasing. Was there a secret second meaning to the word “like” that he was supposed to know? Should he ask Breezy to have this conversation in Italian?

Breezy scrubbed a hand through his hair in frustration. “I enjoyed spending time with all those girls and going out on fancy dates and having someone to text on boring plane rides or call after a game, and I loved cuddling on the couch.”

“I know.” Luca couldn’t help the sour note in his voice. More than once, he’d walked in on Breezy and his flavor of the week all cozied up on the couch under the soft, fluffy blankets, watching a romantic movie by candlelight. It was awful every time. He could not stop the stupid part of his psyche that wanted desperately for it to be him under Breezy’s arm, him with his head on Breezy’s chest, him who Breezy kissed idly on the top of the head every now and again.

Luca hated cuddling.

When his university girlfriend broke up with him, she said he never had time for her, and when he did, he wasn’t much for casual touching. She complained he treated her like just another friend whenever they weren’t in bed.

The irony of Luca being just another friend to Breezy now did not go unnoticed.

Heedless of Luca’s distraction, Breezy continued. “And I don’t know what more there is, but there must be something I’m missing because it was never enough.”

“I…” Luca turned Breezy’s words over in his mind, trying to find the problem. “I do not understand.”

Breezy huffed out a sigh. “Me neither. You know, Amélie asked if I was gay when she called it off. She said it would make sense. I guess I suck in bed or something.”

No. No, absolutely not. Luca couldn’t believe it for a second. No one as caring and generous as Breezy could be terrible in bed. He made a dismissive sound in the back of his throat.

Breezy shrugged. “She’s right. I mean, not about the gay thing, but the sex thing. I guess I never get all hard up for it. Like, some guys make the dumbest choices to get some tail. Vanderbilt has a Raya account with pictures of his actual face, did you know? Why bother using a fake name? And, God, the shit Dmitriyev does… I’m never that desperate for it.”

Dmitriyev? The small corner of Luca’s brain not dedicated to taking the words “hard up” and “desperate” and applying them to a mental image of Breezy naked wondered what he meant about their goalie.

“And you hook up all the time, or you did last year,” Breezy continued. He patted Luca on the thigh. “I never figured out how you do it, you know—meet people and make a spark happen. I’d go out with whoever someone else had introduced me to. And then, I’d kiss them when we’d been seeing each other long enough that it would be weird not to. And we’d…you know…because you have to at some point in a relationship but…” His shoulders hunched. “I don’t know. I guess I was never as into it as I was supposed to be.”

“There is no ‘supposed to be,’” Luca scoffed. “If you are not interested, you do not have to do it.”

“I’m not not interested?” Breezy didn’t sound sure of himself. “I guess I’m not interested in the right way? I don’t know…I tried looking it up, but it only made me more confused. The internet is so big.”

“I do not want to know what you googled,” Luca teased.

“Ha ha.” Breezy tossed a pillow at Luca. Luca tossed it back, and Breezy wrapped his arms around it. “I found legit sites. Reading about it didn’t help though. I suck at reading. I need, like, a sex coach to tell me how to fix my game.”

A snicker burst out of Luca. “Imagine Trout—”

“Oh God.” Breezy’s tone of horror matched his shell-shocked expression, a fair reaction to any mention of their former defensive coach. “What an awful idea. But anyway, not dating has been kind of a relief. No one pushing me about what I want and whether I want it enough.”

A rare flash of empathy surged across Luca’s prefrontal cortex, and he began to understand. “That is what bothers you about Tom and Jax coming out, hm? Beyond the team fighting. People asking questions and pushing.”

Breezy nodded miserably. “I know it’s none of my business. I just…I really, really hate when the team fights. And there would be reporters all the time, asking about the team and relationships, and then they’d go digging up more stories. I have no idea how to explain why it never works for me. And my exes are all people who love tabloids. What if Amélie said the gay thing to the press, too, and they started asking? What if I had to come out as straight, Luca? That would be the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me.” A haunted look overtook him. “And a lot of embarrassing things have happened to me.”

Despite knowing it would hurt him, Luca opened his arms and let Breezy slump forward into a hug.

“If it would help,” he hedged. “And if it is something you miss, you can always cuddle me.”

With Breezy warm and solid in his arms, Luca could not imagine sex being even mildly unpleasant with him. Whatever had happened with Amélie, whatever had happened with all his past girlfriends, Breezy lived to be touched.

As if to prove his point, Breezy’s arms squeezed tight around him. “I love you, man.”

Was it possible to die of happiness and heartbreak at the same time?

Luca cleared his throat and pulled away. “I did actually come in here for a reason.”

“Oh, right.” Breezy perked up. “Is it another roomie date?”

Oh Christ. Breezy had cottoned on to the fact that Luca was, essentially, taking him on dates. Oh no. There was no way Breezy hadn’t put two and two together and realized how Luca felt. Had all his talk about girls and his relationship trouble been a subtle way to let Luca down gently?

“Ooh, wait,” Chris said. “We should call them roommate dates. It rhymes. What are we doing today?”