Page 9 of The Blessing

Chapter 6

Comfortably Numb

The next month flies by in a flash. Between work and Grey, time seems to completely escape me. I spend my mornings working under the hot summer sun, I spend my days with my nephew, and spend my nights in bed alone, rubbing one out as faceless naked women invade my imagination. There’s one woman who graces some of these fantasies. I don’t know her name, but I can see her face and body clearly in my mind. I’ve memorized her curves—her plump tits and nice ass. I’ve memorized her heart-shaped face and eyes which beg me to take her. In my fantasies, she’s mine—while in real life, I’ve never spoken to her. Maybe one day I won’t be such a fucking coward.

She probably thinks I’m a complete creep because every time I’ve run into her around town, all I do is stare at her. I just know I’m not her fucking type, so I don’t see the point of starting up a conversation with her. What would I say anyway? “Hey, I’m Trevor I think about you when I jerk myself off.” Fuck, I need to get laid. Now that I have Grey, I can’t exactly use a dating app to hook up with some random chick or go to the bar to try to pick up a girl. Being a guardian doesn’t give me a whole lot of options. Not that I don’t love Grey because I love him so fucking much already. Hell, I love that little boy more than I love myself. It’s just that it would be nice to have someone other than myself touching my cock; I think my right hand, Jill, has gotten her fill of me. Between work and my priorities at home, “Jill” is all I’ll have to look forward to for a long fucking time.

Instead of focusing on my non-existent dating life, I put all my focus into getting my finances in order, so I can build a better future for Grey and myself. After getting my first pay check, I went to my dad for help. At twenty-four-years old, I hadn’t the faintest idea about how to budget. I felt fucking ashamed and couldn’t conceal my embarrassment when I confided in him. Despite how young and naïve I felt at first, I’m glad I sought some sort of guidance because now I have a few grand stashed away and I can finally think about moving out.

I’m aware of all the benefits I have by staying at home with my mom and dad. For one, they can watch over Grey when I’m on the job. Another benefit is the money I’ve been able to tuck away—since my parents are kind enough to not make me pay rent. Despite this, I can’t bring myself to stay here a second longer. Constantly being in such a close proximity to my mother has become too much to deal with. I just feel like complete shit around her. She treats me like a piece of gum stuck on the bottom of her shoe that she’s unable to scrape off. At first, I thought her hostility had to do with her way of dealing with the loss of Dean. However, I’m not buying that excuse now. It’s more than that. This is just who she is and I never saw it before. When I was younger, I would excuse her behavior because I knew I wasn’t a joy to live with. I knew I was a difficult, drugged out, partier that didn’t give a shit about his future. So, every time she would condescend to me and cause me to feel like scum, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt. I knew I wasn’t the ideal child, but I never wanted to accept that she wasn’t the ideal mother.

Lately, she’s been breathing down my neck. I’ve spent every day trying to prove myself to her, but my efforts seem to be futile. There’s no way she’s going to see me any differently. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. It seems like, despite the changes I’ve made in my life, she’ll never love or respect me.

I need to move on. I feel like a bit of separation will be good for the both of us. I just can’t come home to that every day. She’ll take care of Grey for me while I’m at work and I’ll get the distance I need. I haven’t expressed these feelings to my dad because after all that’s happened to shake the foundation our family is built on, I don’t need to add to the stress and pain.

Now that I’ve got a good chunk of money saved, I’ve been looking for apartments after work. I wanted this to be something I did myself, so my parents can see that I’m capable of doing things right on my own. I know they still have doubts about my position as Grey’s guardian, despite the fact that Grey and I are so good for each other. I can give him back some of the love that he’s lost. I’ll never be able to replace my brother and sister-in-law, but I can give Grey my whole heart and hope that will be enough for him as he grows up.

“Sir, are you ready for the tour?” the leasing agent asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

I found an apartment complex with equal opportunity housing which I’m sure will meet my needs. The apartments are nicer than I’d imagined and I’m hoping it will be a good fit for Grey and me here. I give the pretty leasing agent a nod and follow her out of the office and to the available first floor apartment a block away. She chats me up the entire time, making small talk about her life while asking me about mine. I keep my answers short and try desperately to not stare at her ass as it sways in front of me. It’s been too long since I’ve been with a woman. While the spunky leasing agent is hot, she’s nothing compared to the brunette who still seems to haunt my every thought. What I wouldn’t give to have a night alone with her…

“This is the apartment we have available at the moment,” she says as she unlocks the door and takes me inside.

I give her ass one last look before I turn my attention to the small apartment. With two bedrooms, one bathroom, and a nice living room that’s perfect for Grey to play in, this apartment meets all of my needs. However, I know this isn’t the best part of town and I’ll be raising my little guy here. My thoughts go back to the shitty apartment I stayed in growing up while we were waiting for the builders to finish up on our house. I was almost eight and Dean was eleven while we lived there. We had the apartment building closest to the park which was for residents only. One day after school we went straight to the park without our parents and ended up getting flashed by some creep who apparently lived next door to us. I shudder at the memory of his disgusting cock hanging between his skinny legs. Dean covered my eyes and threw rocks at the man until he fled. I don’t want Grey to have to grow up around shit like that. So, I’ll definitely have to do some more research before I just dive head first into a lease agreement.

“So, what do you think?” the leasing chick asks as soon as she’s finished with the tour.

Although I haven’t paid much attention, I give her a friendly smile and say that I’ll think about it. Her eyes rake over my body before she smiles back, and this smile obviously has nothing to do with trying to convince me to lease this apartment. As we make our way back to the leasing office where I parked my truck, she begins to flirt with me and I’m more than happy to flirt back. It’s been such a long time since I flirted with anyone. It always feels good to have someone find you desirable. We stop outside my truck. She runs a nervous hand through her hair and smiles at me before taking something out of her shirt pocket. My eyes follow the action and find that her tits are heaving beneath her shirt. I can’t remember the last time I made a woman so nervous.

“Here’s my business card in case you want to call with follow up questions,” she says, but before handing it to me, she pulls out a pen from her purse and quickly jots something down on the back of the card. “And here’s my personal number in case you ever wanted to call for any other reason.”

Although I know I probably won’t call—I can’t exactly have casual sex with someone while I have a baby at home to care for—I take her card anyway to be polite. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and I don’t want this girl’s confidence to waver because of my shitty situation. While she’s not my usual type—I tend to like blonde women with a little more meat on their ass—she’s still pretty and she shouldn’t feel discouraged because of me. “Thanks,” I pause, reading the name off of her card, “Tiffany. I’ll be in touch.”

She gives me a girlish smile and waves at me as I slide into my truck. I throw the number in my cup holder and decide to keep it there in case an opportunity ever presents itself. On the way home, I decide I need to talk to my dad about this apartment business. He knows his way around town and knows all the best areas—while I’ve got no clue about what I’m doing. I don’t want to sign a lease on an apartment I’ll regret.

As soon as I arrive home, I immediately go to Grey—just as I always do. He pulls me to him like a fucking magnet and has a way of taking away all the stress I experience during the day. Today I find him in his little baby gym and, while he loves the damn thing, he immediately wants to be free of it as soon as he sees me. I pick him up and kiss his forehead before tucking his little head beneath my chin. I carry him to my dad’s study and take a seat, rocking Grey in my arms as I wait for my dad to finish up his paper work.

I can feel my dad’s eyes on me as I talk to Grey, and after a few minutes of observing us, he says, “You’re really good with him. I know your mom has her doubts, but you’ve really exceeded our expectations when it comes to carrying for him.”

I pause for a moment, taken aback by his compliment. I don’t know why I’m so astounded because my dad has always been my biggest supporter. I know it’s because I’ve had my doubts when it comes to taking care of Grey, as well. I never know if I’m doing things right or if I could be doing things better. It’s nice to hear someone thinks I’m doing well because I have no clue how to be a parent.

As if reading my thoughts, my dad continues, “No one knows what they’re doing at first, Trevor. You just do the best you can. You give them all of your love and hope things work out.”

“It seems like it all came so naturally for you and mom.”

He snorts and shakes his head. “It didn’t come naturally. We had to work at it just like everyone else. You don’t remember the challenging times we had because you were too young, but we had them. I’m just happy you and your brother turned out so well.”

My heart drops at the mention of my brother and I grow quiet and uncomfortable in my seat. Changing the subject, I ask, “I was wondering if you could help me look for an apartment? I’ve got a good chunk of money saved up since I’ve been picking up those extra hours these past few weeks and I want your opinion. I’ve been looking on my own a bit, but I don’t know the area like you do, and I want your advice.”

Grey coos in my arms, trying to grab my cheek and pull my attention back to him. He never likes when I spend too long talking to anyone else. I give him a quick smile and kiss his cheek before turning my attention back to my dad.

“I’m off later this week if you’d like to check some apartments out,” Dad says with a proud smile. “We’ll get a good deal on something.”

We get into a discussion about all the places I’ve checked out so far. It doesn’t take long for Grey to grow impatient, not used to not getting every ounce of my attention while I’m holding him. As I talk with my dad, Grey keeps grabbing my thumb, yanking on my shirt, and touching my face until I finally give up and give him my undivided attention.

“What’s up, little man?” I ask, making Grey giggle in response, happy now that I’m finally talking to him. He mumbles a few syllables and smiles at me as if we were having our own conversation. “Want to go play, buddy? Is that what you want?”

Grey cocks his head and watches my lips as they move. Despite not having a clue what I’ve said, he smiles at me and nods before grabbing my thumb and sticking it into his mouth.