Page 50 of The Blessing

I know that they usually hit up a nearby pub after work. They sit in the restaurant, far removed from the bar, but the ambiance alone isn’t good for me. I would know alcohol’s there, and I know I’d feel it tempting me from across the fucking restaurant. It’s so fucking difficult to find a place where I’m safe from the temptation. With my problem, it could easily cause me to become an outcast. Due to my appearance, people tend to think I’m down for anything. Throw the multitude of men I work with into a mix… and it’s almost as if I’m expected to kick it and drink.

“Thanks for the offer, man, but I actually have plans with my girlfriend after this.”

Jaxson’s face transforms into pure fucking glee as he gives me a firm pat on the back. “Ronnie’s your girlfriend now? Why didn’t you mention it sooner? That’s great man! Congratulations!”

I shrug my shoulders, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden. I didn’t mention my new relationship because I thought by speaking too soon, I’d mess it up. I don’t want to jinx things.

“It’s still new, but things are going great so far.”

“That’s awesome, man! By the way you’re always talking about her, I knew things must be heating up between you two.”

Do I really talk about her that much? I guess this shouldn’t be a shock. I know her name flies out of my mouth every two seconds. What can I say? She and Grey are the two things I’m most proud of.

“Yeah, man. You talk about her a lot.” Jaxson chuckles, letting me know that I said all that shit out loud. “Well, have fun tonight. Maybe you and I can get together later this week?”

I nod and begin to pack up my stuff. On the few occasions Jaxson and I have hung out, he’s always made it a point to take me somewhere that’s been “safe” for me to go to. I don’t like having to always put him out like that. Maybe Dr. Russell was right. Maybe a few A.A. meetings would go a long way in helping me cope with my issues. I’ve never been addicted to alcohol per se, but now that I’m sober, I realize my problem was worse than I thought. Quitting never gave me the shakes; I never flipped my lid at someone over it—but I still crave alcohol constantly. If it weren’t for my beautiful, supportive girlfriend—whom I doubt I deserve—and Grey, I honestly don’t believe I’d be as successful as I am now.

I consider the meetings on the drive home. I think it’d be a good thing to talk it over with Ronnie. She always gives the best advice and is supportive of me no matter what. The thought of attending any meetings used to make me feel weak—as if I went to a meeting all my problems would instantly be real. Although, now the more I think about it, the more I’m warming up to the idea. The thought of talking about my dependencies in front of a group makes me feel sick, but I could always just sit quietly and listen. Maybe that could be beneficial in its own way—at least, in the beginning. I grow weary as I inwardly wrestle with the idea, and by the time I make it home, I’m exhausted both physically and mentally. It must be obvious because Ronnie gives me a sympathetic look as soon as I walk through the door.

“Baby, we don’t have to go out tonight,” Ronnie says as she pulls me into a hug. “Grey and I would be just as happy eating in.”

I pull back and smile at her, grateful that she knows me so well already. “That sounds good, babe. I’ll just have to take you out some other time.” I give her a long, appreciative kiss before pulling away to look at my girl again. She looks so down-to-earth and radiant in her yoga pants and sweat-shirt, even without a single ounce of makeup. She’s such a natural beauty. I’m so lucky that she’s mine.

“We just need to run to the store first,” Ronnie says breathlessly, obviously still reeling from my kiss. “Do you guys want to stay here, or we can all go to the store together?”

As a family? Going to the store is just so fucking… normal. Normalcy was something I’ve actively avoided for the majority of my life, and now I crave it with everything in me. “We can all go,” I answer with a grin. “Just let me change real quick.”

Ronnie’s gaze follows me as I walk toward my bedroom. Feeling her eyes on my body makes me wonder how she’d react if I changed in front of her. I leave the door to my bedroom open and stand where I know she could see me if she wanted to. When I feel her eyes on me—I strip. I don’t look down the hall at her because I don’t want to be too obvious, but I can feel she’s sneaking glances. I take my time changing, to give my shy girlfriend a little peepshow. However, when I hear my son begin to cry I speed it up. I know her seeing my ass is not more important than tending to him. Grey isn’t too bad when I’m gone, but when he knows I’m nearby he’ll cry if I don’t give him enough attention. I pull my shirt over my head and hurry back into the living room to pick him up off the floor before he has a fit. As soon as I meet Ronnie’s gaze, she blushes and bites her bottom lip as she gives my now clothed body a once-over.

“You ready to go?” I ask as if I hadn’t just stripped naked in front of her on purpose.

She gives me a sheepish smile and a nod. She’s still fucking blushing! I can’t help the cocky smirk that’s on my face as we make our way out to my truck. Ronnie makes me feel so incredible. I’ve never had any confidence in myself, but one smile from her and my self-esteem skyrockets.

The drive to the supermarket is short and Grey spends the duration babbling loudly in his car seat. I hold Ronnie’s hand on the center console, rubbing circles on her palm as I enjoy the feeling of the warmth of her skin against mine. She straightens up in her seat as soon as I pull into the parking lot of a nearby supermarket. This girl may hate shopping for things she deems “frivolous” but she sure as hell loves shopping for groceries.

“Okay, we’ll be in and out really quick, I promise,” Ronnie assures me as we walk past the rows of cars to the store’s entrance.

I give her a knowing smile. Every time she’s gone grocery shopping in the past, she’d be gone for over an hour. I never understood what took so long to buy such a small list of items. Now, I know why. As soon as we walk through the automatic doors and enter the store, she’s all smiles. Her eyes are darting all over the place as if she can’t decide where to head to first. Ronnie insists we take a “lap around the store,” and I find I’m too in love to argue with her. However, thirty minutes in the women’s clothing section is where I draw the line. Grey’s entertained at least; he reaches out to touch each and every piece of clothing just to feel the fabric.

“Do you mind if I take him to the toy department?” I ask, not wanting to let on to how bored I am, and I chuckle to myself as Quinton’s words come back to bite me in the ass.

She looks up at me from the pile of clothing in her hands. “That’s fine, I’ve got to try on this stuff anyway. Just call me if you get lost.”

I bend down to give her a quick kiss, but as soon as her lips move against mine, I find it hard to pull away. We kiss longer than what’s appropriate for a public setting and I’m completely lost in the pleasurable taste of her sweet tongue working against mine. It takes my very loud son to bring me back to my senses.

“Dada,” he says as he pulls on my shirt, trying to get my attention. “Dada!”

I finally pull away from Ronnie to look down at my distraught son, who’s now yanking vehemently on my shirt. “Dada!” He reaches up for me and I give him a small kiss on the forehead, which immediately appeases him.

“We’ll be back soon,” I promise.

As I leave the clothing section, I notice women who are blatantly staring at me. I wonder if it’s due to the fact I practically mauled my girlfriend in the middle of the store. The staring doesn’t stop as I leave the women’s clothing section. No, it continues as I make my way down the aisles until I finally reach the toys. There are a few women who are openly ogling me. They’re whispering to each other as they’ve abandoned their carts in the middle of the aisles. They’re attractive in a way—but would look much better if their faces hadn’t been so surgically enhanced. That shit has honestly always freaked me out. I’ve always liked the more natural looking women. Natural like my Ronnie.

“That’s such a cute baby,” says the blonde with the most plastic looking face out of her entire group. “He looks so much like you,” she flirts. “Such a handsome little boy.”

“Thanks,” I comment, taken completely off guard by her blatant flirting.

“Do you need help finding anything? My friends and I can show you around if you’d like?”