Page 45 of The Blessing

I shake my head, not wanting him to believe he was at fault. “Dad, I was a giant fuck-up,” I crassly say. “I understood why Mom wasn’t as close to me as she was with Dean. He was the model child and I just… wasn’t. Even now, I get why she isn’t warm towards me.”

“Trevor, you were a kid then,” he spits out, anger filling his tone as he looks at me with weary eyes. “Your mom should’ve understood that. I just can’t bring myself to feel the way I once did about her. Not after what she did to you. She lied to me about that paperwork; she told me she explained everything to you.” Dad’s quiet for a while and I feel devastated for him. I couldn’t imagine what it feels like to realize the person I loved wasn’t who they appeared to be after so many years of being with them. I can’t stomach the thought of Ronnie betraying me; I can’t begin to imagine what my dad must be experiencing after so many years of marriage.

“Are you two getting a divorce, then?” I finally have the courage to ask.

Dad answers with a solemn nod. “I think it’s time. Things have been strained between us for a long time.”

The waitress delivers food to our table. Dad seems to relax in his seat now that he’s gotten everything he wanted to say off of his chest. I know things are painful right now, but I know soon enough he’ll be able to move on and find happiness without her. Fuck, I just hope this isn’t my fault in some way. As much as I dislike my mother—I don’t want my dad to separate from her because of me.

As if reading my mind, he quietly tells me, “None of this is your fault, Trevor.” He gives me a tired smile and continues to eat. What he says must be true because my dad has never lied to me, at least, that I know of. Then he changes the subject to a happier one. “So, how’s my grandson?”

“He’s great,” I begin as I dig into my chocolate chip pancakes. “I think he said his first word.” I fucking gush before I can stop myself. I don’t know what it will do to my dad to know my nephew is calling me “da.” Will he be happy—or will he believe it dishonors my brother’s memory like I’ve worried it would?

“What was it?”

“He’s been saying ‘da,’ ” I quietly answer him. “He started saying it the other day. I’ve said ‘dad’ a few times around him on accident and I guess he just picked it up.”

“You are his father, Trevor. Why should you be apologetic about him calling you that?”

“I know you’re right. I’m his father in every sense of the word. Still, I feel like it disrespects Dean in some way. He’s Grey’s biological father and I’m just a poor substitute.”

“Stop being so hard on yourself,” Dad commands. “You’re doing an amazing job with Greyson. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You’re the only father he has—so it’s fine that he calls you that. Dean’s role in his son’s life won’t be diminished because you’ve become Grey’s father.” He studies me for a moment, before adding, “You’ve always way too hard on yourself. That’s part of the reason why I couldn’t stand punishing you. You were constantly punishing yourself. Dean would’ve wanted you and Greyson to be happy.”

“I know.”

“So, how’s Ronnie?” he asks, changing the subject once again to something lighter.

“She’s wonderful. She’s my girlfriend now,” I proudly state, smiling.

“That’s amazing, Trevor,” Dad replies with a huge grin. “Have you told her that you love her?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“It’s always been obvious. I knew you loved her from the very first time you mentioned her.”

I almost blush at his comment. Just the thought of this girl has me fucking blushing! “I’m in love with her, but no, I haven’t told her yet.”

“Well, tell her soon.”

“I will, Dad,” I say, rolling my eyes and feeling very young all of a sudden.

“She’s lucky to have you, Trevor. So is Greyson.”

I smile at him, praying it’s true. It’s hard to think anyone would be lucky to have me. Ronnie is so far out of my league it’s fucking laughable. I couldn’t imagine anyone seeing us together and thinking she was the lucky one. She’s a smart girl though, and I’ve got to believe she wouldn’t want to spend all of her time with a loser. As hard as it is for me to wrap my head around, maybe my dad is right. Maybe I’m not too bad after all.

After lunch with Dad, I head back to work to finish up my day. An hour lunch break didn’t feel like it was long enough, but despite that, the rest of my day seems to fly by. I keep my head down and work hard, thinking about what my dad said to me. I still can’t believe he’s getting a divorce from my mom. I wonder how she feels about all of this. She’s always been such a disaster when she’s had to do anything on her own. I would call her, but after what I overheard, I’ve pretty much decided to shut her out of my life. If she doesn’t want me—she doesn’t want me; I’m tired of trying to convince her to feel otherwise. She’ll never change unless she wants to, and by the looks of it, she doesn’t seem to want to do much of anything besides play the victim. Although, I can’t help but feel sorry for her because I know she probably can’t help the way she is. Just like I couldn’t help the way I was until Dean’s death inspired a change in me. When the day’s finally over, it takes all my strength not to speed the entire way home. I want to see Ronnie and Grey. I need their comfort right about now.

I find them in her apartment in front of the television watching cartoons. Grey’s wrapped in a blanket Ronnie’s mother knitted her and is laughing loudly at a cartoon sponge character. I always feel this profound sense of relief when I have them in my sight. As soon as she notices me and smiles—all my problems seem to dissipate.

“How did lunch go with your dad?”

I sigh, taking a seat on the couch next to her and throwing my arm over her shoulder before I say, “It was fine. He seemed really out of it.”

“Did he patch things up with your mom?” She doesn’t seem too happy with the idea of them staying together; I can’t blame her. She’s only met my mother the night of her birthday party and her first impression wasn’t a good one.

“No, they’re getting a divorce.” As I say it, I realize I don’t sound that upset about it. I’m just as resigned about it as my dad is.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she says, nuzzling up against me. “I’m so sorry. I know that must be difficult.”