Page 141 of The Blessing

“My turn, Daddy!” he exclaims with an excited grin.

He’s so fucking jumpy. Everything I’ve heard about two-year-olds in the past was seriously no joke. I pick my eager son up and kiss him on the forehead before holding him toward my wife so she can kiss him, as well.

“Kisses, Mommy!” Grey giggles before Ronnie smiles and kisses him on the cheek.

My heart feels so full in this moment. I have everything I never imagined wanting. The rest of the night feels like a dream. Having Ronnie and Grey in my life, truly is like Heaven on Earth. Throughout the reception, I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience. Every second is fucking magical. I savor these first moments of my brand-new future. I can’t believe this is my life. I wonder if I’ll ever believe this is my life. When our song begins to play, Ronnie pulls me onto the dance floor for our first dance under the stars. I can feel my brother’s presence standing beside me. It hits me like a wrecking ball. I know I’m probably just imagining it—I have to be imagining it—but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel incredibly real. We start to sway to the melodic rhythm, and I picture Dean smiling at me. He’s giving me that proud look he used to give me when I was just a little kid.

I close my eyes and rest my forehead against my wife’s, soaking up the feeling and savoring it as though I’ll never experience it again. I let my thoughts wander, imagining Dean and Cat dancing beside us. Wherever they are now, I’m sure they’re together, possibly looking down on us now with a smile. I don’t know if I believe in all that Heaven shit, but sometimes I swear Dean is standing right fucking next to me, with his hand on my shoulder, telling me whatever happens, it will turn out just fine.

“What is it?” Ronnie asks quietly as I twirl her around the makeshift dance floor.

I shake my head, worried if I tell her I’ll breakdown in front of everyone. Dean will always be a touchy subject for me, and with all the emotions coursing through me right now, I find that uttering his name is impossible. Finally, I say, “It’s nothing, baby. It’s just… I think my brother would’ve been really proud of me, you know?”

She pulls back to look at me better, her eyes shimmering with tears. “He would be proud of you, Trev. I’m sure wherever your Dean is, he’s really happy for you. For us.”

“I feel like he’s here right now, Ronnie,” I admit with an embarrassed laugh.

She presses herself more tightly against me and smiles. “I wonder what he’d think of me.”

“God, he’d love you,” I answer without hesitation. “He’d be so impressed with the way you kicked me into shape.”

She smiles at this. “My mom would’ve loved you, too, Trev. I feel like she’s here right now, too. Standing right beside us.”

“Maybe they are. Maybe they just wanted to see us start our life together.”

A tear trails down my wife’s flushed cheek and I hold her closer. “Where would I be without you, Trev?”

“I don’t know, but you’ll never have to find out.”

In the backyard of our home, dancing under the stars with my new wife, I enjoy the first moments of our forever together.