Page 51 of The Snowflake Effect

My willpower joins my stomach in a freefall, my resolve to keep him at a distance weakening.

“There’s one more,” he says softly.

Fingers shakier, I pull out the last movie, Before Midnight. The second I start reading, I laugh out loud:“You’re fucking nuts! You are. Good luck! Find somebody else to put up with your shit for more than like six months, okay? But I accept the whole package, the crazy and the brilliant. I know you’re not gonna change, and I don’t want you to. It’s called accepting you for being you.”

I glance at him, my hands trembling. This sentiment is everything I didn’t have with Richard. I changed myself for my ex and vowed I’d never let that happen again. And here comes Kolton, offering me everything I want in a relationship. Acceptance. Unconditional support.

The already weakened floodgate to my emotions crack wider.

“Go out with me, Shay,” he whispers. He brushes his thumb across my cheek, looking at me like I hang the moon. “Please.”

“I want to,” I admit. He deserves my honesty. “I do. But the timing is horrible for me. I can’t risk my job right now.”

Not with my depleted bank account and late rent. I lean forward, though. Pause a breath away from his lips, desperate for more from him. A taste of what I’m missing.

“God, Shay,” he murmurs, killing me a thousand times over, but he doesn’t close the distance between us. “You have no idea how badly I want you.”

Instead of telling him the feeling is mutual, I kiss him. Soft and light. Chaste but lingering until we both suck in pained breaths. Then I force myself to walk away. I open my car door and sit inside, my breaths trembling as I press the ignition.

I glance in my rearview mirror. Kolton hasn’t moved an inch, but his fingers are on his lips, like he’s trying to hold onto that fleeting kiss.

I feel the press of his lips against mine for the rest of the day.

CHAPTER 22

SHAY

I’ve been staring at the computer screen for a good five minutes, the cursor blinking in the same stupid spot. Coming to Concept on a Saturday morning was supposed to help me focus, but it’s a lost cause.

All because of Kolton.

Everything in my life these days revolves around him. This amazing job, the lonely nights I spend wishing he were with me. His continued gifts that are depleting my resolve to keep him at arm’s length.

Needing a voice of reason, I search my desk and find my phone under a pile of sketches. Normally, Lily is an early riser, but seven a.m. on a Saturday is questionable. Still, I tap out her number for a call, hoping her boyfriend doesn’t hate me for calling at this hour.

“You’re up early,” she answers after three rings.

Story of my life. “Couldn’t sleep. I’m at Concept. Thought I’d get some drafting done. Did I wake you?”

“Nope. I’ve been in my sewing room for half an hour. What’s up?”

My whirlwind of emotions. “Kolton gave me another gift yesterday. This one was…wow. I don’t know what to do, aside from work more hours.”

“First,” Lily says warmly, “I’m so proud of you, and Sawyer loves the work you’ve done. We can’t wait to see the space put together. But back to Kolton and his wow gift. Do tell.”

Normally I’d latch on to her use of “we” when discussing Sawyer, like they’re an item. A pair. Today, however, I’m too confused to tease her.

I trace the edges of Kolton’s latest note. “He’s outdone himself.”

Lily huffs. “I find it hard to believe he topped the videos.”

“Consider them topped.”

“Ooh,” Lily singsongs. “I’m dying. Tell me everything.”

I open my mouth to reply, but I pause, unsure how to describe this last gift and the extent to which it’s affected me.

“You still there?” Lily prods. “Was it better than the PEZ?