Page 51 of The Knockout Rule

She kept her attention on his hand. “He ended up in the hospital that night, and I thought I was dying watching the match. Those same symptoms—the fear, the chest pain, the difficulty breathing. Things were rough at home with my mother. She didn’t leave us until I went to college, but she was barely around, and when she was around her unhappiness with me and my dad wasn’t subtle. I’d watch all my dad’s matches, terrified something would happen and I’d be left alone with her. The attacks happened more often after that, always when he had a fight.”

She must have been so terrified, alone. He hated that for her. “You never got help?”

“I did briefly, but I didn’t click with the therapist, and I never told anyone about it. The attacks make me feel weak, and I hate feeling weak. I did my own research, found techniques that helped me relax, and when my dad retired the attacks eventually stopped. Until I started working for physio clinics and they used my name to advertise and lure in boxers. If I got too close to them, I’d picture these nice men and women in the ring, and that same fear would rise. Not as intense, but I was terrified it would get worse, so I quit.”

“And you started your own practice.”

“With no boxers.”

I hate boxing. Any random guy on that dating app would assume that line referred to the sport, the way people disliked golf or curling. Isla’s distaste for boxing was wrapped in a painful childhood, watching her father get beaten up, fear of losing the one parent who loved her unconditionally.

“Did your father call now, is that what triggered you?” Graham had been with her the other night as well when Eric had found her shaken in the hallway.

Her eyes widened, another hint of fear dilating her pupils. “No. It wasn’t him.”

“Then who was on the phone?”

She sniffled, twitched her nose. “Just a spam call.”

That didn’t ring true. It didn’t explain her panic attack either. “Then what set you off?”

She swallowed convulsively and closed her eyes. When she finally reopened them, his heart pressed against his ribs. Her dark eyes shimmered with so much pain he wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let go.

Just as quickly, she set her jaw. “I like you, Eric. A lot. I was in denial for a while, assumed it was just physical attraction, because you’re…” She dragged her gaze over his body and sighed. “You’re spectacular, but it was your mind that clinched it. You’re smart and funny and interesting and compassionate, and you know Ramona Estle and have this power to excite and soothe me all at once.”

Her breathing picked up pace, along with the rapid fall of her words. “I didn’t want to fall for you. I tried to fight this thing between us. Then you held that baby and you told me stories about translating for immigrants, and those jokes are perfectly awful, and I really wish you weren’t so amazing. Because honestly? You’re a man I could fall in love with. I can’t even believe I said that out loud. That’s just how things are going for me today, and now I need to say the hardest part.”

He should keep his distance, wait and hear her out. It was the gentlemanly thing to do. But she thought he was amazing. She was finally admitting how intensely she felt.

Fuck being a gentleman.

He leaned in, captured her lips in a kiss, scooped her close, finally taking what he wanted. She stiffened at first, only a moment. Then she relaxed, opening for him. Soft lips, tiny whimpers. He swiped his tongue against hers, a hot slide that sent a bolt of lust through him. He crushed her closer, kissed her harder. So deeply he was sure he’d lose a piece of himself with every needy sound she made. Christ, she undid him with nothing but a kiss, this woman who saw the real him and imagined a future full of love.

He was half a second from dropping to his knees, peeling off her yoga pants, tasting what he desperately wanted, but he slowed his kisses, finished with two soft ones as their noses brushed. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

He wasn’t. He really fucking wasn’t. But she’d just had a panic attack. She needed time to calm down, relax. And he wanted to be part of her recovery. Help her any way he could. Dote on her. Make her smile and laugh, banish all her worries.

She held him more tightly and started to shake. The bad kind of shaking. Upset. Panicked. When he pulled back, more tears were falling down her reddened cheeks.

“I can’t do this,” she said, her voice cracking. “I can’t date you. I can’t kiss you and feel all these things, when so much of you reminds me of the bad parts of my childhood. I thought I could. I tried to convince myself this was worth it, but…” Another tear slipped out. “You’re what set off my panic attack, Eric. My developing feelings for you are why I lost it before. And I’m just…fuck.”

She dashed at her face. Opened her mouth, closed it, then maneuvered off the table, grabbed her things, and left before he could catch his breath.

15

Eric hadn’t felt this agitated and tense in a long while. He hadn’t seen Isla since this morning’s disaster. He’d trained with DeAndre, had eaten and walked Whit, the whole while feeling like a swarm of wasps were in his stomach. He kept replaying Isla’s rough breaths, the tears on her face, her devastated: “You’re what set off my panic attack.”

He was actually relieved when Graham didn’t show for their session. Eric doubted Isla had confided her issues to her father, but she’d been rational enough to realize she needed company. Family. Familiarity. Someone who wasn’t Eric to offer her comfort.

Yeah, there were those buzzing wasps again.

He bent down and gave Whit a rub, pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Love you, stinker.”

Whit chuffed, nuzzled into Eric’s neck. Eric didn’t feel much like leaving the room—facing Isla for their afternoon treatment session, seeing everything he couldn’t have. For half a minute, he debated canceling, but he needed to see her. Make sure she was okay. And his shoulder was acting up.

Steeling himself for the session ahead, Eric walked into the hall. And there she was. At her door. Eyes on something in her purse.

When she looked up and saw him, she froze.