Page 39 of Rayzor: Tell Me It’s Mine II

“You know it is.”

“See, Devin, look at Court. Settled down with a chocolate pretty thing and put a ring on it. You’re still around here chasing these Instagram bitches. You did so good raising your sisters and brothers. You’ll be a great husband and father. I know you might not like marriage, but shit, you’re my oldest. Although this house can’t stand for another baby to be running through here, I wouldn’t mind having a lil’ grandbaby. Just don’t make me a grandma young.”

“Young?” I reacted.

She threw up a bird. “Yes, young. Now what?”

I laughed, looking at Rayzor, but his ass wasn’t touching that joke.

“I mean, I got you on the grandma shit too, Janice,” Rayzor told her.

“You do?!” she asked, excited.

“Yep. E’s pregnant.” He pulled out his phone, sliding it over to her. I spotted the ultrasound on it.

“Goddamn, Courtland, you must really love her? That’s a two-for-two. Congratulations.” She clapped.

“I love her with everything I got, Janice.”

She sat in awe like this nigga was reading spoken word. My mama wasn’t even a lover girl so to see her fawning over his words had me confused. She always told me to keep these hoes at arm’s length. Now Court came in all in love and with a baby on the way and she act like it’s the best thing since white bread.

“Damn. When it’s me, it’s fuck these hoes, but you acting like his ass is prince charming.”

“No. I react how you want me to. You say you don’t want love, but in the same breath you come asking me questions and throwing situations at me about you and the girl with no name.”

“Asking questions like what?” Rayzor instigated.

I slipped down in the chair. “Man, we ain’t come here for all that shit.”

“I want you to be in love, have kids too, Devin, but you like to fuck them and leave. You treat women as disposable. Always have,” she continued.

She read my past like I was a villain. That shit made it seem worse than what it was. I treated these hoes how they treated me. They see bags, and I see pussy so it’s exchangeable. I never thought my mama never saw me as capable of love.

“I think somebody got them claws in him. Who is it, Court? I know you know.”

He chuckled then dropped his head back to his plate.

“You know how his ass is,” he replied, keeping that shit between us. That’s why he was my boy, always knew how to hold it down. It wasn’t that I was keeping it a secret; I just didn’t wanna be out here looking stupid as hell behind Suki’s ass when we hadn’t even put a title on shit.

“Y’all can play mice if you wanna, but I know my son and he ain’t around here asking me questions about women for nothing.”

“Damn. I can’t just ask questions?”

“You can ask all the questions you want, Devin, but don’t ask too many questions that you’re not putting in the work to get the answers. I know this love thing can be hard. Your mama can get a man but can’t keep one. Sometimes it was me, sometimes it was their asses, but look at me. Nine kids, three engagements, no marriages and the highlight of my life is my kids. If you’re asking, go after the question. Don’t make another woman miss out on the good man you can be because you’re afraid of getting it together.”

While Rayzor and Mama talked, I thought about how Suki would get along with her. She was blunt, keep that shit g like we did, and it wasn’t any pressure to be somebody she wasn’t. I could see the two of them laughing together, sharing wild ass stories, and kicking it even when I wasn’t around. But I wasn’t sure if that’s where we were with what we got.

It was easy with Suki. Always have been, but that’s where the slope got slippery because it could feel right, then shit go left. We always end up arguing then we’re right back fucking. But it’s always slippery. I don’t wanna confuse shit for what it’s not. I didn’t want us to change what we have to try to fit something that we might never be.

* * *

Suki was at my crib, had a movie going, smoking and throwing back shots. Nothing too serious. Just getting back on track after our spot was blown up.

“After this soft-ass movie, we gotta watch something gangsta so I can dust these butterflies and glitter shit off me,” I said as she cozied under my arm.

Her bonnet smelled like a mixture of spritz and other hair products. Her hair was freshly done as usual. I’ve never seen her without it. The vibe was chill, just like it should’ve been. It’s crazy that a comment almost fucked up what we had going on.

“How come you don’t ask me out on dates?”