Page 99 of Lessons in Cruelty

Like inside my soul deep.

His arm comes up to block me, and I clamp down with my teeth. He tries to shake me off, yelling hoarsely when I don’t let go.

I taste blood, can feel hair between my teeth. And that just makes me clench even harder.

“Jesus, fuck!” He kicks, rolls. Our legs tangle. “Get off!”

Still, I hold on.

It’s only when my back slams into something, and my jaw unlocks for a gasp of pain, that Kai can rip his arm free.

His face contorts with rage as he pushes to a stand, towering over me again.

Always fucking dominating.

It was a tree I hit. My fingers scrabble against the bark as I scramble to my feet so I can punch him, kick him, fucking hurt him.

But he’s not waiting for me to attack anymore. He’s going on the offensive.

Kai grabs my hair and yanks my head up.

The pain is effervescent.

All I can manage is a whimper. My hands latch onto his wrist, the rest of my body following meekly as he slowly forces me to stand.

“Fuck me?” he whispers, his eyebrows darting up at the fucking audacity. “Fuck me?”

He twists his fingers in my hair, and I’m on my toes with a yelp. Tears leak out of my eyes, but if he sees them, he doesn’t fucking seem to care.

“Nah.” He laughs quietly. “Fuck you.”

It’s not the cruel twist of his mouth.

Or the tremor in his arm.

Those don’t frighten me.

It’s when he glances over his shoulder, scanning the campus garden to make sure we’re alone.

No witnesses.

That’s when I realize I’ve pushed him too far. That whatever happens next is something that could have been avoided had I only crawled out of here on hands and knees, whimpering and begging for forgiveness like the meek little slut he wants me to be.

Forgiveness for what?

Being his friend?

Keeping him company?

Not telling anyone how his brother used him as a punching bag and his parents didn’t care?

Wanting to give him the one precious thing I had, and then getting pissed off when he didn’t want it?

Loving him?

The tears are really flowing now. It’s not all physical pain anymore. This runs deeper.

“Kai, please…”