Page 573 of Lessons in Cruelty

Kai eyes me suspiciously. “Are you…laughing?”

“I’m glad, okay?” The confession rips out of me. “I’m glad he’s dead, because I’m a horrible person.”

Kai stares at me like I’ve grown a second head.

Then he barks out a bitter laugh. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

I widen my eyes. Kai isn’t horrified. He’s furious.

Nostrils flaring, eyes narrowed. Red splotches on his face like he’s fighting the urge to punch something.

“Why the hell wouldn’t you be glad that piece of shit is dead?” His voice rises. “That fucking waste of oxygen starved you and neglected you your entire life. He let your uncle—” Kai cuts off with an angry grunt. “Why the fuck should you cry over him?”

“He was my dad⁠—”

Kai’s harsh laugh cuts me off. “He was plenty of things, Heavenly, but a dad was nowhere on that fucking list. That guy was a fucking monster! You don’t owe monsters like him anything. Not tears, not guilt, not a single fucking thing.”

Kai rushes to his feet and starts pacing.

“Bobby never gave a fuck about you.” He stabs a finger into his own chest. “You know who did? Me! And I still do.”

His voice cracks, and somehow tells me we’re not talking about my father anymore.

“It’s bullshit what they say. Family isn’t about blood. It’s about who shows up. Who gives a shit whether you live or die.”

I stare at him, my brain echoing monster.

There’s a part of me that’s adamant he’s wrong. That every life is precious. That no one deserves to die before their time.

But I want him to be right.

About everything.

“You’re allowed to be glad he’s gone,” Kai says, voice raw as he sinks down beside me on the sofa. “Fuck, I’m glad he’s gone. I’ve been hoping he’d OD in a ditch somewhere since I was twelve.”

I let out a half-sob, half-laugh. “That’s fucked up.”

“Yeah? Last I checked, we were both pretty fucked up.”

I snort. “Understatement of the century.”

The corner of his mouth twitches.

I press my palms to my eyes, trying to get my brain to stop spiraling. Darker memories—ones I’ve buried even deeper than the Monstrosities of Bobby and Lenny—are desperately clawing their way to the surface of my mind.

I don’t know how much longer I can fend them off.

How much longer I can keep lying to myself.

Sure, Bobby was a monster.

But he raised one, too.

My eyes snap up to Kai as he stands.

“Don’t,” he murmurs, shaking his head. “Whatever you’re thinking, just stop.”

I roll my lips together, nodding curtly as I completely fail to stop anything.