Page 40 of Finding Redemption

Iclimb into my truck with no sign of Reese. “How in the hell did I misread her? Fuck.” I shove my shifter into gear, tearing out of the lot. “She must be serious about Alden.” I shake my head in disgust. “I just need to keep our dinner professional, and maybe she’ll forget I said anything.”

I drive Highway Seventeen in automatic, my mind on everything but the road. How in the hell did I get here?

It was rhetorical because I know all too well what the fuck I did to find myself in this position. “I can’t trust myself. How in the hell will I ever be able to believe in something else? Someone else.”

Pulling into the office, I take the stairs two at a time. As if hiding would help. “You’ve gotta stop. This will never work, you know it.” I take my favorite bourbon from the fridge and pour two fingers, setting the bottle on the table beside me.

Falling into the chair, I down the amber liquid, letting it burn as it flows into my wretched soul. “What the fuck are you even thinking?” I pour another, swallowing it faster than the first. “I don’t do relationships.” I pour yet another, sipping it slowly as I ruminate on the mess I’ve made. The mess I call my life.

My phone buzzes, and I do my damnedest to ignore it. But as it sounds for the third time, I yank it free from my pocket. Riley. I hit answer. “What?”

“Hello to you, too, brother.”

“What is it, Riley?” I huff.

He swallows hard. “Dad’s been asking about you. I wanted to give you a heads up. I figure he’ll be coming around soon.”

“Making sure I don’t cause any trouble?”

“No. And you know what? Fuck you.” Riley hesitates long enough for me to get my shit together.

“Sorry… I’ve had a helluva rough day.”

“I get it.” He sighs heavily. “I screwed up everything I tried to accomplish for years, including relationships.”

“Will I…” I trail off, wrestling my thoughts and words. “Will I ever get past it? Does it ever end? Knowing how much pain I’ve caused and the damage I’ve done continues to haunt me. Fuck, do I deserve it?” I silently sit in shock. I said it out loud, making it become all too real.

“If you’re asking me, yes, you deserve it. But damn, I know who you are,” he answers quietly.

“Not a lot know the real me.”

“Maybe it’s time to show them. Or at least, tell her.”

He’s right.

I hang my head, letting the alcohol and his words go straight to my head. “Tell her what? Besides, she’s involved with someone else. There’s no honor in that.” I sit back in the chair.

“Until she gives you the all-clear, I guess you wait,” he says.

“All clear? No, it’s not like that. I like her. She’s proving to be a great colleague.”

“Okay, if that’s how you’ve decided to handle it.” Riley knows me better than I know myself. “Hang in there.”

“Thanks for letting me know about Dad. I’ll make sure things are good on my end.”

“You’re fine. I just wanted to tell you so you weren’t surprised.” He’s a good brother. “And one more thing, Lea’s fundraiser is Saturday night.”

I hang my head, scratching it vigorously. “Got it. I’ll be there.”

“Take a date. It’ll be good for you.” He chuckles.

“I’m feeling warm and fuzzy already.”

“That’s right, baby. All the feels.” Such a sarcastic asshole.

“Whatever. I haven’t eaten.” I pretend to gag.

“Fuck you, pansy ass.” We laugh. “Later.”