Page 32 of Finding Redemption

“Not really.” She sighs. “I, of all people, know how hard it is to stop your life from spiraling. I also know you can’t control it. Life’s a roller coaster at best.”

She’s right. I swallow hard past the bile rising in my throat and say the hardest thing I’ve had to in a long time. “I know.” There it is, rip it off. “I can’t go back to who I was. I won’t. I need to seem like I have it together.”

“When clearly, you don’t.” She scrutinizes me. “How about try being you. The caring, intelligent man we know you are.”

“What do you mean?”

“Walker, you’re my best friend, aside from Riley. Torrie’s a close second, but it gets weird with Brannon. I mean, she’s my ex’s wife..” She shrugs. “You’ve loved me as much as Riley has all these years. You didn’t take care of me while he was gone because he asked. You did it outta love.” She’s right.

“I’d do it all again.” I wink at her.

“I know you would. Thank you.” She hesitates. “We all know you gave your life up in Charleston to help us. Being here while Riley was deployed meant the world to us; it also meant you came back when you didn’t plan to.”

I shake my head. “I wanted to come home. I needed to.”

“But?”

“I’m afraid,” I say, fisting my hair. “I’m can’t lose it all again. I’m afraid of being myself.”

“It’s okay that you haven’t figured it out yet, you know?” She wrinkles her nose.

“No, it’s not. I’m the responsible one. I’m the one who takes care of everything, everyone.”

“It’s not your job.” She straightens in her seat, grabbing the handle. “Walker, I’m giving you permission to run away from home. Set up the apartment. Get to know yourself. Find love.”

“You’ve lost your shit.” I chuckle.

“I’m marrying your brother, so yeah. But it’s time you take care of you. Unless you want me to do it for you?” Ava’s eyes grow round as she crosses them.

“Hell, naw. I got this. I mean, I know you have experience at this, but I got it.”

“You sure?” She grins.

I glare at her. “I’m positive.”

“Okay then, I’m here if you need me.” She jumps out and I sit for a second, letting her words sink in. She’s right. It’s time I start living for me. “Get your ass out. It’s time for bed.”

I hop from the SUV, hot on her heels. “I’m not my brother. I ain’t whipped.” I smack her ass as I run by.

“Not yet, asshole! I’m gonna get you for that,” she yells behind me as I take the steps two at a time, trying to get away from her.

I rush through the door, locking it behind me. “Night, sis.”

She grabs the handle. I see it on her face the second it dawns on her. “Motherfucker, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“Not tonight.” I smile before turning and running up the stairs to my room, locking the door behind me as I hear Ava beat on the door.

“She’s gonna rip your balls off, dude.” Riley chuckles, walking down the hall to the stairs. “And if I don’t get laid tonight, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“What’s going on, Poppa?”

Oh, shit. I’m in trouble. I unlock the door and peek out.

Riley stops at Andi’s room. “Your momma’s gonna beat Uncle Walker up but not until tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay. Night.” Andi’s fuzzy head turns back to bed, and I have no doubt Ava’s going to kill me.

After a couple of minutes, I hear her outside my door. “Paybacks a bitch, and I carry karma like cash.”