Page 139 of Finding Redemption

I choke back tears. Why they’re showing up, I’m not sure. I’m not sure if it’s the time I’ve missed with him or what he’s missed with me.

“I will. I promise.”

“I’m holding you to it.” He winks, flashing me a weak smile.

The closer home I get, the deeper I sink into despair. Why am I trying to please a man who has no bearing on my life? The need for his acceptance has blindsided me. I’m gutted by the utter disgust I have for myself. The fact I have a deep seeded need for it kills me.

He chose another family over me and my mom. Not once did he look back and check on us. I feel as if I’ve been programmed to think I need approval to have the support I deserve, and as a child, I needed.

His face flashes in front of me, withered and worn from illness and time. My gut rolls and I realize why I’m so upset. He’s my dad. I want his love. The only thing I need to decide is at what cost.

31

“Honey, I’m home.” The sound of Reese’ voice brings a smile to my face. I toss the file I was working on to my desk, rounding to meet her at my office door.

“Hey, baby.” She greets me by pressing her soft lips to mine. Her dress clings to her curves, making everything south of the belt stir. “I’m happy to see you. How was your day?”

She shakes her head, blowing out an exaggerated breath. “He’s dying,” she confesses with glossy eyes. “He comes back to tell me he’s leaving me. I can’t believe it.”

“I’m sorry.” I take her in my arms, and she clutches onto me. Reese hangs on like I’m her lifeline, trembling beneath me.

“I promised him I’d go back.” Her body goes rigid, and she pulls away. “I also agreed to take that damn case. Why would I do those things?”

“Why do you think you agreed?”

“You’re an attorney, Walker. Not a damn psychologist.” She wheels around, stunning me with her animosity.

I shove my hands in my pockets. “Wow.” I pause, hoping it will help her gather her thoughts.

Her head snaps around. “Oh, God. I’m sorry.” Her tear-filled eyes search mine for understanding.

I decide to tread lightly. “I can’t imagine how this must feel.”

She steps away, averting her eyes. “Why is this affecting me this way?” She shakes her head, wandering around the room.

I lean against my desk, letting her have plenty of space. “I’m not sure my opinion counts here.” I fold my arms across my chest, my forehead creasing.

She spins on me, her eyes wide, mouth hanging open. “Of course, it counts.” She drags her hands through her hair. “You should know that.”

“I think having your dad’s love, no matter how you can get it, is important to you.”

“Maybe it is. Is that so bad?” She leers at me. “The fact is, you could never understand. Your parents are amazing.”

“I fully comprehend how you must feel, Reese,” I say, parting my lips as my breath quickens. What the fuck is going on?

She rounds on me, shaking. “How could you? Let’s look at this from my point of view. You have supportive parents.”

“How is any of this about me or my parents?”

“You’ve never had to work for their approval. Your parents love you,” she seethes, her face deep red as she runs her hand over her wet cheek.

“I’ll be damned I’ve never worked for their approval,” I snap, scowling at her.

“Oh, that’s right. You fucked up the perfect engagement and had to run away until you could fix it.” She levels me with a glare.

I step back, holding my breath and my words for a moment. “Where the fuck is this coming from?”

“Maybe this is how I feel. Maybe I’m tired of your perfect life. Fuck, I’m tired of my own life right now,” she screams, pressing her hands to her head, frustration written on her face.