Page 79 of Snowed In with You

‘Move in with you? As in, live together? Are you serious?’

‘Of course I’m serious,’ said Kristoff, as the heat rushed to Lucy’s cheeks. ‘And I thought that if that was all going well a bit further down the line, I’d take you back to Zermatt to propose.’

‘You were planning to propose? Ask me to MARRY you? In Zermatt?’

‘Yeah,’ said Kristoff. ‘How could you think I didn’t love you?’

Lucy took a long, uneven breath, until it felt like there was no air left in her lungs. ‘Kristoff, we’ve been dating for three months.’

‘I know. The proposal was planned for—’ he stopped and did some mental arithmetic, ‘nineteen months’ time, on the two-year anniversary of the day we first met.’

‘Shitting hell, Kristoff,’ said Lucy, unable to stop herself laughing. ‘Have you got all this on a spreadsheet?’

‘Only the one in my head,’ he replied with a half-smile.

‘Fuck,’ gasped Lucy. ‘I had no idea.’

‘Clearly. Does any of this make a difference, or are you still breaking up with me?’

Lucy looked at him, considering the question. Would it have made any difference, if she’d known how he felt about her? In her heart she knew that it wouldn’t, and if anything it might have prompted her to make this decision sooner.

‘God, Kristoff, I’m so sorry,’ she said, reaching out to take his hand. ‘I honestly thought you were in the same place as me.’

‘You didn’t answer my question,’ said Kristoff, but he didn’t take his hand away.

‘I know,’ said Lucy, mentally crossing her fingers that she wasn’t entirely insane and wouldn’t totally regret this later. ‘But it hasn’t changed anything. I’m still breaking up with you.’

‘OK,’ he said, rubbing his hand across his face. ‘OK. But can I ask you something?’

‘Sure,’ said Lucy, quelling the jittery feeling in her stomach. Whatever it was he wanted to know, he’d earned the right to an honest answer.

‘What is it you’re looking for? What do you want that we don’t have? Because it seems to me that we have a pretty great time.’

‘We do,’ said Lucy. ‘We absolutely do. And for most women, this would be more than enough.’

‘But it’s not enough for you.’ It was a statement, not a question, and Lucy thought she detected a note of respect rather than irritation. Of all people, Kristoff understood the concept of not settling for second best. He’d been chasing his dreams all his life.

‘No,’ said Lucy. ‘It’s amazing, but I need something more, something deeper. A proper soulmate connection, I guess.’

‘How do you know that even exists?’ asked Kristoff. Lucy said nothing, and after a few seconds, realisation dawned on Kristoff’s face. ‘Right,’ he said quietly. ‘You’ve felt it before.’

‘I . . .’ said Lucy, feeling like the conversation was running away from her. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Come on, Luce,’ said Kristoff softly. ‘We’ve come this far. Be honest with me.’

‘Yes,’ said Lucy quickly, before she bottled out completely. ‘I had a connection with someone once, and it was a different feeling from how I feel about you. I don’t know exactly what it was, but it felt . . . special. And I don’t want to settle for less than that.’

Kristoff nodded slowly, a resigned smile on his lips. ‘Nate Lambert, right?’

Colour rushed to Lucy’s cheeks, and she swallowed down another rising wave of nausea. There was no point denying it; Kristoff deserved better than that. ‘Yes,’ she said, unable to look at him.

‘You and he got together in Zermatt.’

Lucy nodded. ‘Yes, but it was a one-off. We haven’t seen or spoken to each other since . . . you and I got together.’

‘Until yesterday.’

‘Yes.’