Page 5 of Snowed In with You

‘Mmm. They’ll do their own pissed-up party-animal thing, and poor Sasha will get lumbered with Fran because they’ll have to suck up to the client. We both know that Fran is a total arse-kissing b—’

‘Oh my God,’ gasped Lucy, pressing her hands over her mouth. ‘You failed!’

‘Shit,’ muttered Jonno. ‘Pretend I never said that. I’m getting another pint. You want more wine?’

Lucy shook her head and picked up her phone while Jonno was at the bar, wondering whether she was in the mood to see Anthony. She scrolled back to his last message – a close-up of his hand wrapped around his erect penis, accompanied by Happy new year, babe. Got you a present. She tapped out a quick reply. Impressive. Can I unwrap it later?

‘Who’s your booty call tonight?’ asked Jonno. She slammed her phone face down on the table. ‘Iron Manuel, or Tentpole Tony?’

Lucy rolled her eyes. Jonno called Marco ‘Iron Manuel’ because he was a competitive triathlete, and also Spanish. ‘Tentpole Tony’ spoke for itself.

‘Marco’s in London. He’s just been promoted to Head of Insurance Risk Assessment for heritage buildings.’

Jonno licked his lips and winked. ‘Wow, I love it when you talk dirty.’

‘Stop it. It’s a very interesting job.’

‘Is it, though? Does he tell you about fire safety measures in the Royal Albert Hall while he’s sucking your toes?’

‘I would actually kill him if he ever went anywhere near my toes.’

‘So Tentpole Tony, then?’

Lucy sighed. ‘He prefers Anthony.’

‘Hmm, sure. Any new dick pics?’

‘Yes, actually. Do you want to see it?’

‘No,’ said Jonno emphatically. ‘I still haven’t got over the feelings of inadequacy from the last time. That man has a cock the size of a baseball bat.’

‘No, he doesn’t. It’s a perfectly normal size.’

‘For a horse, yes. For a human, no.’

Lucy laughed and finished her wine. Marco and Anthony were what she called ‘a mutually beneficial sexual arrangement’ that had been going on for the best part of eighteen months.

‘You know this fascinates me, right?’ said Jonno. ‘Are you sure you don’t want another wine?’ She shook her head, knowing that two could easily become four and then she’d have a foggy head all weekend.

‘I’m well aware,’ smirked Lucy. ‘Mostly because you never stop asking about it.’

‘They know about each other, right?’

Lucy nodded and rolled her eyes. Jonno had definitely asked this question at least twice before.

‘And you’ve never banged them both at once?’ OK, that’s definitely a new question.

‘No. Anthony floated the idea once. He’s officially bisexual, but Marco is totally straight. So I said no, on the basis that might be a weird dynamic.’

Jonno grinned and stuffed a handful of crisps into his mouth. ‘I should have guessed that Iron Manuel would assess the risk of a threesome and decide it didn’t meet his health and safety requirements.’

‘I didn’t say that. He and I have had a threesome, just with another girl.’

‘Ah yes,’ said Jonno gleefully. ‘I forgot you were also a casual muff-tourist.’

‘You have such a lovely way with words.’

‘Is Marco’s cock the same size as Tony’s? Like, could they have a lightsaber battle?’