Page 45 of Falling
I burst into laughter. Nothing had changed. Joel was the same old Joel and this felt like things had always been between us. Easy.
“Tell me anyway,” Joel continued. “I’ll have to meet him, you know. Make sure he’s good enough for you.”
“He’s better than I deserve,” I said, laying back and stretching out on the bed again, flattening the sheets out one-handed. Was this how teenagers with crushes felt when they told their friends about them? A lot of teen movie scenes suddenly made sense to me.
You really were never too old to learn new things.
“No such thing,” Joel said. “You deserve the world. Is he hot?”
“I’m not sure I know,” I admitted. “I’ve been… figuring some stuff out about myself.”
“Do you know I’m hot?” Joel asked.
“Well, I’ve been assuming so, since people flock to you,” I said. “But I don’t… know it instinctively. Ryder says I’m demisexual.”
“Is Ryder the guy?” Joel asked.
“No, Ryder is the actual Ryder White and he’s secretly the sweetest nerd. We’re friends now, somehow. This whole move has been one surprise after another.”
“Always good to have an adventure. So Mr. Perfect’s name is...?”
“Booker,” I said. “Everyone calls him Book.”
“You love books!” Joel enthused.
“That’s what I said to him when I found out his name.” I smiled wryly. I probably should have realized then that there was something about him. Nominative determinism, or whatever.
“You would.” Joel laughed. “Do you have a picture of him?”
I took a moment to think, and then remembered taking a shot of Booker while he’d been prepping dinner because he’d looked so focused that I wanted to show him when he was done. He’d been surprised I took a picture of him, but not upset. Weirdly flattered, I thought. Then I’d shown him all my pictures of everyone, Evie and Joel and Evie’s horrible cat. My old houseplants and the glamour shots I’d taken of the new one he’d gotten me, which I’d named Dandelion after the character in Watership Down. Because it was a rabbit’s foot fern.
I sent the picture to Joel and waited for judgement.
“Wow,” he said. “Okay, definitely hot. And so your type.”
“Evie keeps saying bears are my type,” I agreed. I’d have to ask her if she knew, too, but I thought she must have and hadn’t told me for more or less the same reasons as Joel. It really wasn’t the kind of thing you could just tell someone. It was the kind of thing they had to figure out for themselves.
I’d figured it out for myself. Kind of.
I was just realizing what I’d figured out and how exciting it was. I wanted to tell Booker first. Well, second. Third, after Ryder and Joel, but now I’d figured all of it out and I knew I liked Booker and I wanted him to know, even if he didn’t want our relationship to change at all. I could live with that. I just wanted him to know.
“He’s so sweet. The first thing he ever did was change a tire for me. He runs the gay bar in town. It feels so safe there. He feels so safe. All I want is to spend time with him and then I realized that I wanted to kiss him and then freaked out and avoided him all day and all that did was make my stomach hurt. And then I thought of you and… now I’m telling you about a boy I like.” I laughed.
“Oh, that’s not a boy,” Joel said. “You’ve gone straight for a full-grown man. Always knew you had great taste.”
“Thanks, I think.” I took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling, excitement fading just enough to let doubt creep back in. “I want to tell him. Should I do that? Or… how should I do that? You’re the expert.”
“I usually open with an ass squeeze,” Joel said. “When I know someone’s interested. That seems… not your speed, though.”
“I mean, if you tell me it works…”
“It works for me because I’m a certified slut,” Joel said. “You, though? I think you just… tell him. Just like you told me about him. Tell him you want to spend more time with him and you’d like to try out kissing him.”
“He won’t freak out? Or… not want to deal with me? Because I don’t know what I’m doing?”
“Well, there’s always a risk that he’s secretly an asshole…”
“He’s not,” I defended. I knew he wasn’t.
