Page 40 of Falling

But I’d been a lot more sober than I’d been pretending to myself I had been for the last eight months.

This was harder to explain than I’d thought it would be. Which was probably why I hadn’t talked about it before now.

“I kissed him. My friend,” I blurted out. “My sister’s friend, really, I dunno. Everyone was encouraging me, including Robin⁠—“

“Your fiancée?”

“Yeah,” I said, staring into my coffee. “I kissed my friend, Joel, and it felt so completely different than anything I’d ever experienced before that when Robin left me I was kind of relieved I’d never have to kiss her again because I knew it wasn’t supposed to feel weird every single time.”

“Okay,” Ryder said, as though I hadn’t just confessed my deepest, darkest secret to a man I barely knew.

I trusted him, though. He wouldn’t tell anyone else.

He was my friend.

“Does that… change anything?” I asked.

I felt like I was waiting to be diagnosed with something terminal.

“You might have to consider that you’re not attracted exclusively to women.” Ryder shrugged. “I mean, no one can make you, but I think you owe it to yourself to at least ask the question.”

“You say it like it’s no big deal,” I told my coffee, which wasn’t fair, because it hadn’t said anything at all.

“It’s not,” Ryder said. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I could absolutely ruin a second friendship,” I said.

“Well, if it’s me you’ve got a crush on, I’m flattered but happily married and I don’t think Ward would be into a threesome,” Ryder said. “But it’s not friendship ruining.”

“I actually think you’re the single most beautiful person I’ve ever seen,” I admitted, again to my coffee.

Ryder’s adorable giggle told me that he understood I’d really been talking to him.

“But it’s not you,” I confirmed. He’d known that, obviously.

I was so glad I’d met Ryder and I hoped he’d let me beta-read every single book he ever wrote and maybe I’d figure out something for the theatre group kids that the library could help with.

But it wasn’t him I couldn’t stop thinking about.

“Well, while we’re handing out compliments, you’re painfully pretty and I wish I had your sense of personal style,” Ryder said. “And while I’m handing out advice, you’d be surprised what’s salvageable when you reach out.”

16

BOOKER

“So, let me get this straight,” Seth said, perching himself on a bar stool.

“Are you capable of doing anything straight?”

“Miles stayed the night on Saturday⁠—”

“Because he was too tired to go home. I slept on the couch.”

“—and then practically dragged you fishing⁠—”

“Because he’d agreed to it in exchange for the free drinks thing.”

“—and then after you nearly drowned my rare, precious, highly decorative librarian⁠—”