Page 86 of Love Lessons

He always fed her when he wanted to take care of her. And while it wasn’t something she would have expected to like before Dustin, she’d been surprised by how much she enjoyed it.

It was sensual and relaxed in this way that made her feel delightfully dependent and grateful to him for taking care of her.

He alternated between different bites of things, even feeding her the messy seaweed salad with his fingers, though he used chopsticks when he got his own.

As they nestled together, she decided to try talking with him again about what she wanted. She wasn’t quite sure how to bring it up though, so she brought it up indirectly. Can you tell me about your APD?

Dustin looked surprised, but not upset. Sure. I have difficulty with sound discrimination and auditory memory. So sometimes I lose sounds, sometimes my brain fills in the wrong ones, and sometimes it just feels like speech is just moving twice as fast as my brain. And even when I hear it, sometimes I can’t replay it in my mind or put all the pieces together.

He paused to feed her another bite of dumpling and then continued. When I was a kid and people asked me which thing I wanted from a list, I’d always just say the last thing that I heard. It used to really piss off my parents, but it helped me get a diagnosis. Before my aide figured it out, everyone thought I had ADD.

But you don’t have that problem with ASL? Lena confirmed.

ASL is fine and so is reading and writing. It’s really just auditory information that doesn’t connect.

So what would happen if you heard, like, a bell or something?

Dustin shrugged and ate the other half of the dumpling he’d fed her. I might hear it, or I might not. I’ve missed tons of calls and doorbells and stuff because I don’t hear them, though it’s usually better if it’s longer sounds. Like, I miss the chime for a text all the time, but I have my doorbell set to play a really long melody to give me time to hear it.

Well, apparently a bell wouldn’t work. Lena was glad she hadn’t started with that. Although she did have a question.

How do you play music, then?

Dustin laughed. Badly. Apparently I can’t hear rhythms very well, though my sense of pitch is fine. I could never play with a band or anything because the other sounds would be overwhelming, and I probably wouldn’t stay on rhythm. I mostly picked it up because I wanted to look cool and my parents agreed since it’s supposed to help strengthen auditory connections.

Lena snuggled closer into Dustin’s warm bulk and shook her head when he offered her another bite. Her belly was full and now she was thinking about other hungers. If only she could figure out how to bring it up.

Thank you for telling me. Would help if we had a visual signal when you tie me up? Not that he had yet. Like maybe if I was holding a colorful scarf that I could wave or drop or something? Something a bit easier to see?

Dustin thought about it. I think it couldn’t hurt. But it also feels complicated. And I’m not sure if it would be that different from just watching your hands. It could be useful for some things, though. He gave her a wicked smirk.

That look gave her confidence. I wanted to tell you about aftercare for me, too. I think we didn’t discuss it before.

She immediately had all of his attention and she loved being the focus of that penetrating gaze.

So, I know that after a scene some people feel relaxed and floaty, but I usually feel a bit jangly and energetic. I didn’t feel that way as much with our scenes, and it kind of depends on what I’m doing. I hate being held afterward, but it’s usually OK with you. She felt kind of shy admitting that.

And when I have subdrop, she felt him stiffen around her, it’s usually the next day. It’s nothing terrible. I just feel a little sad and need some extra space. And maybe some extra cuddles. Hopefully. She wanted it to be different with Dustin. I usually just try to go on with my regular day and try not to make any important decisions or do anything difficult. It’s not a big deal, just something that happens.

Dustin drew her fingertips to his lips and gave them each a kiss before dropping her hand. I’m sorry that I did that to you.

Lena shook her head. No, you don’t understand. It’s completely worth it. Every time. The reason I have subdrop is because whatever happened the day before was so amazing that it used up a two-day supply of pleasure transmitters in my brain. I promise it’s a good thing.

Dustin smiled, but it still looked strained. Thank you for telling me. I understand better now. Will you tell me if it happens again?

I will. This wasn’t where she’d expected to be a few months ago, but Ash had helped her figure a lot of things out. If she trusted Dustin enough to have a relationship, she needed to trust him enough to handle her moods and subdrop, too.

If it ever happened again. Which would, of course, require them actually doing something. She hoped this would be the incentive he needed.

She turned her head up, hoping for a kiss, and he gave it to her. His kisses were always amazing, creative and sensuous, playing with her mouth and drawing her in to whatever tempo he created.

He led her to the shower and gently washed her everywhere, his adoration clear. He kissed her passionately and even dropped to his knees to suck her off with obvious enjoyment. When her legs were weak and she felt drowsy and small, he dried her off, dressed her in a loose t-shirt and panties, and tucked her into bed.

It was so close to perfect… and that only made it harder to admit that it still wasn’t everything that she needed.

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After that, things just seemed to get more out of sync. Landon could count on receiving a text from Dustin every day during his lunch break. They spent one or two evenings together each week.