Page 10 of Love Lessons

Zhong raised his face to the ceiling, his thick black hair fanning out around his ears and his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. He was a handsome man and Dustin couldn’t deny that he’d had a crush on him for a while before they’d both figured themselves out.

He knew that Zhong couldn’t give him what he needed. But maybe Dustin could actually provide that for Zhong. Especially since he was single again now. And if whoever he was dating next didn’t like it, he’d know they weren’t the right fit. He’d learned that with Katy.

But Zhong was slowly shaking his head. I think I… I think I want someone just for me. Like, I still love you, but if you’re dating somebody again, I won’t be your primary focus. That’s OK, he was quick to add. I’ve just realized that I want someone who’s my primary focus. And I’m theirs. That’s the best way that I can put it.

How long have you been thinking about this?

I think that when I was figuring out that I was asexual, I was just so uncomfortable with all of the assumptions about sex that came with romantic relationships that I put it all in the same box. After having a few roommates who weren’t as tactile as you and Sarah, and then living on my own, I realized that I wasn’t just missing friends, I kind of wanted a partner.

That makes sense to me.

Zhong let out a relieved sigh. Thank you for understanding.

Dustin laughed. You just watched kinky porn for me. I think I can handle talking to you about romantic relationships. Anyway, I’ve seen that grid thing that everybody uses, where there’s sexuality on one axis and romantic feelings on the other. He drew the two axes as he signed. Where do you fall on that?

What’s the scale?

Let’s say zero to ten on both axes.

OK, so, um, maybe a two on sexuality? I don’t think it’s disgusting. I’m OK with kissing sometimes. I could probably do some sexual stuff with someone who meant a lot to me, kind of like going to a movie you don’t care about because your friend wants to go? I think the zero is if you’re totally repulsed by it.

Dustin hid a chuckle. Zhong was always good with metaphors and comparing sex to a bad movie was just like him. He didn’t laugh, though, when Zhong was being so serious. It’s your scale. You get to tell me what it means.

Zhong nodded. Yeah, a two, then. On romantic interests I’m… I think I’m actually a seven or eight. It took me a while to figure out what that means. But I’d like to share my home with someone. I’d like to do special things with them. I don’t want kids, he made a face, but I want to be a family. I think I’d like to date someone. You know, get them special presents and have anniversaries and take care of them. So that… that feels like a seven or eight, right?

To me, that feels like a ten, since it’s what I would want from a romantic relationship. But you’re the only one who can explain your scale. Let me ask this, though. Does your hypothetical relationship feel like it would be different from our friendship? We get each other presents and take care of each other. And we cuddle all the time. Their friendship might not look conventional, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything. Hey, you should add a third axis for cuddles!

Zhong grinned. Yeah, that would totally be… he set up a scale and then puffed out his cheeks and diagrammed moving completely beyond it.

You’re such a cuddle whore, Dustin agreed affectionately.

I know. I’d take cuddles from anyone. But seriously, though, it would be different. Maybe I really am a nine or ten. He looked awed for a moment. I mean, I love you, but I would love this person more, I guess. Like when you’re dating someone, but we’re still close?

Dustin nodded. Definitely.

I also think it should be someone else who’s asexual. So, you know, they wouldn’t want to do things I wasn’t interested in.

Dustin perked up when he realized how serious Zhong was about this. After all, turnabout was only fair play. So it sounds like you’re going to be hitting up some ace groups, right?

Maybe? I’m not really sure what I’m looking for yet.

Oh, no. If I’m going to a munch you’re definitely going to some meetup for asexual romantic people. I bet they even have dating sites for that.

Deal, Zhong said, too quickly. You go to the munch three times and I’ll go to three ace meetings.

Dammit. He’d been planning that all along. Fine. You better tell me all about it.

Well, you have to tell me, too.

Like that hadn’t been what was going to happen anyway.

◆◆◆

Dustin had spent the past few days dreading and anticipating the munch. Now, he stood in front of the restaurant door, rocking back and forth on his feet. He reached for the handle and felt the cool metal under his hand.

No, he couldn’t do this. He tucked his hand back into his pocket. What the hell was he doing here anyway?

He hated feeling uncomfortable. He’d managed to set up a whole career and life to avoid putting himself into situations like this. He wasn’t sure whether the overlapping conversations in the restaurant or the theme of those conversations would be worse.