Page 21 of My Sunfall

“Surely all this”— I wave my hand around—“is now old news, and no one cares anymore to know where I’ve gone. Maybe it’s time that I see my family again. Openly.”

“You know I’ll always support you, no matter what you decide,” Lily says quietly. But I see something flicker in her eyes. Concern?

“Honestly, I don’t even remember anymore why I had to hide in the first place, I’m a grown woman, I can damn well come and go as I please.” I realize that I swore and slap a hand over my mouth and look down at Dante, making sure he did not hear that.

She lets out a loud laugh. “I’ve never heard you swear before!” She is grinning from ear to ear. “And you’ve grown stronger.”

I nod, pensively. “Maybe I have. It’s like I’m myself at last, after all this time. And let me tell you, it feels amazing.”

For a moment, she merely watches me, her smile fading a little. “Sis…you do know that not everyone has moved on, or forgotten, don’t you?”

I furrow my brows. “What do you mean?”

Her tone softens as she carefully says the one name I had banished from my thoughts. “Lucas.”

Hearing it now feels like someone threw a stone in a lake, the ripples disrupting the quiet surface I thought I had managed to smooth over these last few months. I force out a small laugh, trying to brush it off. “Lucas is probably over it by now. He certainly had plenty of distractions, didn’t he?”

Lily’s lips press together, like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t. “Let’s just say…he hasn’t forgotten, not really.”

I straighten my shoulders, willing my voice to remain steady. “Then he’ll have to deal with it. I’m not running anymore. I’m strong enough to face anyone who has a problem with me living my own life.”

She doesn’t say anything and the conversation shifts to other topics. We chat for hours, until little Dante’s eyes start to droop. Lily cradles him against her with a soft smile, my heart warms. Someday, I’ll have a family of my own, and I’ll give all my love to those I have chosen, and those who chose me. My heart warms at the bright future I envision, and I can almost feel like it’s right around the corner. I only need to reach out to touch it.

Chapter Thirteen

Lucas

It feels like I just need to reach out and I’ll be able to touch her.

My eyes are glued to her slight form through the tinted window of my car. Chiara is sitting mere feet away by the window in a coffee shop, chatting with Lily and coddling Dante. My hands shake when I rake them through my hair. I drag my palms over my face, my skin feeling too tight. Six fucking months. I’m still not sure that my mind is not playing tricks on me, and this is not a dream my feverish brain cooked up.

But no. I’ve lingered outside D’s gates since early morning, waiting for Lily to leave. Then at last, around noon, a car drove out and I recognized her form in the back seat. I’ve followed her here, to this godforsaken place.

Then I saw her.

It had been as if all the light and colors slammed back into my eyes at once, blinding me for a few seconds. Her smile had blinded me—she had blinded me. My eyes ate her up. My pulse rammed through me like a flood wave and my vision clouded for a second. I had clawed at the collar of my shirt, undoing the buttons because I was suffocating. It had taken all of my willpower not to storm out there, to her. At this point, I have no precise plan, I only know that I need to tread carefully if I don’t want her to vanish on me again.

Fuck, she looks like a goddess, all golden skin, golden hair and radiant smile. I can’t tear my eyes away from her, I’m drinking her in like a man dying from thirst. She takes my breath away. I notice every little detail about her. How her wardrobe has changed, how the cleavage of the blouse she is wearing graces the slender slope of her neck, and how that pair of denims hug her ass like a second skin. My mouth goes dry. Her hair is flowing unrestrained over her back like a silk curtain, her skin is glowing. She is glowing. She looks happy. The thought slaps me with brutal clarity.

She has been happy, while I’ve been drowning.

I can’t fucking breathe.

Six months. Six goddamned months of tearing Boston apart, of going half mad chasing after her, burning through every lead until my knuckles bled from punching walls and my throat was raw from shouting at people who swore they knew nothing. Six months of sending armies of PIs after her, of bribing officials in every goddamn airport I could think of, just in case her name popped up in the passenger list. When all this time, she has been hiding right under my nose, not even two hours away from Boston. Six months of sleepless nights blurred into days, of bottles drained, of bridges burned, six months with my sanity slowly unraveling. I’ve been a wreck, less than a man, barely a monster holding myself together with hate and obsession.

And she? She’s been smiling, laughing, and thriving all this time.

Living. Without me.

The unfairness of it claws at my chest like a feral beast. My lungs seize, I can’t breathe from the rage clogging up my throat, my heart slams against my ribs, my pulse is a wild drum in my ears. Does she know what she’s done to me? Does she even care? Part of me wants to storm over there to shake her, demand an answer, demand that she look me in the eyes and tell me how she could vanish and leave me with nothing but silence and madness. Another part of me just wants to fall to my knees, bury my face in her lap and beg her to never leave me again.

God, I hate her. God, I crave her. God, I’ve missed her.

She laughs at something, and the sight is like a blade slamming between my ribs. All I can think is she doesn’t need me, not like I need her.

And that realization is seeping slowly into my veins like a vicious, acid poison, killing me painfully from within.

Chapter Fourteen