Page 91 of The Incendiary

In that instance, control wasn’t needed. I let the fire loose without restraint and with every intent to obliterate the creature. And then the vines I’d desiccated on that tree before knife throwing. The water I’d sent careening almost through the roof of the showers. Simeon was right. My power was out of control.

But I was not. What I lacked in control I made up for in willpower. I wouldn’t even attempt my powers with anyone near enough to harm.

Will you tell me where you are? I asked him.

I cannot.

Disappointment settled heavy in my bones. It wouldn’t be the last time we discussed this. There wasn’t much I could do to coerce more out of him, but I could tell him the truth. As much as I didn’t want to swallow my pride, I knew I needed him.

I will come, I wrote. You have my word. But give me until the end of Commencement. By your own volition, you kept me and my powers from our people for over four hundred years for selfish reasons. So give me six more weeks.

The air flustered in agitation.

You don’t understand what’s at stake here, Aryella.

Fury clouded my vision.

Really? If I’ve been kept so in the dark that I don’t understand the stakes, whose fault is that?

A long, indecisive silence.

You are correct in assuming the fault is mine to bear.

My mouth fell open at his admission. I wanted to gloat, torture him in my own way by making him see that so much of this mess was because of his diabolical need for control. He had caused so much pain. And for what? Things could have been so much simpler.

I need to do this, Simeon. I refrained from chiding him. I don’t want reverence because of my title. I want it because of my own capabilities. You took my past and identity. Let me gain something back. I know what you and everyone else will require of me. Let me have this one thing for myself.

Another long pause.

You are the queen. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone.

I remembered the look on Elias’s face every time I challenged him.

Yes, I do.

The air around his reappearing note felt resigned, almost.

Very well.

I held his note in my hands and contemplated another question. One that hurt the most to think about. My hand shook as I wrote it out.

Why couldn’t you have just let him love me?

I paced relentlessly. I kept my eyes on that spot, hoping the note would come back, that I could even begin to understand why Simeon had ripped us apart. Gavin was Molochai’s bastard son, but he had been good once. I was sure of it. Parts of him still were, even if they were smaller now, jagged and worn. I was sure of that, too.

I waited for an answer. But the note never returned.

TWENTY-FOUR

ARYELLA

I considered finding a way to meet your betrothed.

I could have frightened him into worshipping you. Threatened him, so that he knew I would be watching, and that if he hurt you in any way, I would hunt him down.

But I didn’t, because I didn’t want to take away your future, and I needed to be honest with myself. If I even looked at the man that gets to have you in this life, I would have fucking killed him.

—FROM THE BUTCHER OF NYRIDA’S LAST KNOWN LETTERS TO QUEEN ARYELLA I