Page 95 of Riding the Curve

“Where are you trying to go, Hen?”

The roughness in his tone startles me enough for me to pause.

“We’re not done talking.”

“You don’t have to explain.” I sigh deeply, lowering my gaze. I can’t bring myself to look him in the eye while I say the next words. “All we’ve shared these past few months, last night, all of this. It’s been . . . everything to me.”

“Hen—”

I shake my head. “Please, let me finish.”

Dizziness clouds my head as my world begins to shift on my axis. The only thing holding me steady are Emerson’s hands, still tightly wound around my thighs. “I’m glad it was you on that plane that day. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for everything you’ve done to help me ever since.”

Gathering the courage, I raise my head to meet his gaze. Big mistake.

His eyes smolder with what looks like a combination of frustration and desire. Deep lines crease his forehead as his chest ebbs and flows in rapid waves. I part my lips to speak when his palm slips over them.

“It sounds a lot like you’re trying to end this.”

The muscles clench inside my stomach as he leans forward. So close that I can almost feel the anger radiating off him.

“Is that what this is? Are you telling me goodbye, Henley?”

Tears fill my eyes as my head bobs up and down.

A deep grumble sounds inside his chest as he rasps out the next word. “Why?”

His hand lowers, but it doesn’t go far. Rough fingers wrap around the back of my neck, squeezing just enough to let me know I’m not going anywhere.

“Wouldn’t that make things easier? To not have things be so complicated so that you can focus on your dream?” My lips tremble. Tears fall freely down my cheeks.

“Fuck, no,” Em growls, letting go of my thigh to brush away the wetness. “I brought you out here tonight to tell you that I want you to be my girlfriend. That you are the best damn thing that has ever happened to me and that we will figure the distance part as we go.”

“Oh.”

His forehead rests against mine. “Why would you think I’d ever let you go again?”

Shame pulls me under as his words crash against my chest.

He’s right.

Out of fear, I shut him out before even giving him a chance. Because in my mind I still believe that I don’t deserve any of this. That I’m nothing of value to hold on to.

“Because I’m broken, Em.” The words slip free on a sob as the last little bit of my wall crumbles down. Every thought and fear that I’ve still been holding on to comes cascading through.

“No matter how hard I’ve been trying, I can’t make myself understand why you want me. I’m not the same girl you grew up with. The one with optimism flowing freely with every breath that she took and could cry it out then pick herself back up and do it all over again. I feel like I’ve failed so hard this time that I don’t even know if I can pull myself out of this one. That optimism I once had is now just a dim flicker.”

The air rushes out of me on a shaky breath.

“Since we’ve been home, I’ve watched you grow, change, and begin to heal yourself in so many ways. You’re going to therapy, spending more time with your Dad, and even feeling more comfortable inside your house again. Words can’t even begin to explain how proud I am of you.”

“Thank you,” he whispers, his thumbs drawing soothing circles over my skin.

“You’ve made such an effort, and it makes me ashamed because I’m still in the same place that I was when we came back into town. I still have no idea what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. I’ve never felt more inadequate, Em. You are everything I’ve ever wanted and more. It destroys me to even imagine a world without you by my side, but I could never live with myself if I was the one responsible for dragging you down into my mess. You deserve someone who will lift you up, not bring you down.”

Through my damp lashes, I watch Emerson’s face contort in pain. Those bright blue eyes darkened with tears. “That person is you, baby. One of the biggest reasons I am doing so well is because of you. Can’t you see that, Hen?”

I shake my head as a tear rolls down his face.