Page 76 of Riding the Curve

That I’m not worth the trouble. Every time I get close to a man, it seems like I just end up only pushing them away. Like I’m unworthy of the effort that it takes to be in a relationship with me.

“You alright over there?” Harper asks, nudging me out of my thoughts.

I sigh, sinking down into the chair beside me. “Yes . . . no. I mean, I’m okay. I just⁠—”

“There’s nothing wrong with still being a little nervous, Hen.” Pausing her folding of the dough, she comes around the table and pulls out the stool beside me.

“He’s trying so hard, and I feel like such a hypocrite. I told him that he has my heart, but here I am still clinging onto the last little shred of it. He’s being so patient and trying his best to prove to me that this time is different. And what do I have to give him in return? What have I done to change?”

Harper’s hand flies to her hips as the other points at me while she speaks. “Most people in your situation would have crumbled. You’ve picked yourself back up. You’re cooking again. Baking again. On top of that, you’re helping get a new business venture off and running for the Lanes. You are still thriving, Hen.”

“Am I really though?” I breathe. “When Em goes back to racing, what then? There will no longer be a need for me to stay in the Lane’s cabins anymore. So, do I move back into my parents’ house until I find a job?”

“You always have a job here, you know that.”

“I know.” I sigh. “But I can’t live on handouts forever, Harper. I know you think that I didn’t notice, but I did.”

Her body freezes, eyes stretching wide.

“That college student you said had to move back to campus? She’s still showing up to work each day.” I watch Harper’s lips pinch together. “I know you can’t afford to keep paying me as well, friend. Thus why today is my last day.”

Reaching into my back pocket, I pull out an envelope with the money I’ve been saving from the paychecks Harper’s been giving me each week. I start sliding it across the table, but her palm halts it before it can go any further.

“No, I’m not taking this back. That is yours. You earned it, and you’ve truly been such a help around here.”

I cover her palm with my own. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, love. I’m still going to come in and help you, but you are going to stop paying me. You’re also going to take this money or I’m telling Preston you decided not to make the wedding cake anymore.”

“You wouldn’t!” she gasps, making me chuckle.

“No, I wouldn’t. But I will make Emerson do it if you don’t stop fighting me and take back this money.”

She grins, then sighs deeply. “You know I would have figured out a way to make it work. To pay you full-time if you wanted to.”

“I know,” I say softly, tucking the envelope inside the front pocket of her apron.

“It sounds to me like you’re not just afraid to let yourself be all in. I think you’re feeling like you don’t have any value to bring into this relationship,” she says gently, giving my knee a quick squeeze. “You know that’s not true, right?”

Biting my lip, I nod, feeling the sting of tears welling behind my eyes. Her brow raises as she folds her arms across her chest.

She can see right through my lie. My best friend knows me better than I know myself.

As I wipe away the tear that slips free, I shake my head. “No, I don’t know. I feel like he’s done so much to change and grow, and I am still stuck jobless with no prospects and no idea what I’m going to do with my future. He was afraid to start a relationship all those years because he felt he was going to hold me back. Now I’m the one that feels like I’m going to be holding him back.”

“You would never hold him back, love.”

I shrug my shoulders, and she gathers my hands within hers. “I wish that you could see that you have so much to offer. Your job doesn’t define your worth as a person, Henley. I know if you shared how you were feeling with him, he would tell you the exact same thing.”

“I’m afraid I’ll just drag him down until I figure everything out.”

“That man will love you through every hill and valley that you experience in your life. Just like you have done for him, even after all these years.”

“You don’t know how much I want to believe that to be true.”

“Well, I only speak the truth, so believe it, babe.” She smirks, bringing a smile to my lips.

“Let him all the way in, honey. It’s time.” She waggles her brows, making a breathy laugh burst out of me. “And when you do, you better tell me everything.”

I reach for her hand and squeeze it tight. “Are you ready to show me this wedding cake design now?”