Page 49 of Intolerable Bishop

We didn’t speak as I turned the desk into a makeshift bed. Laying down, she didn’t say anything but curled up with me. Holding her close, I kissed her temple.

“Well, that happened. Any regrets,” I asked and held my breath for the tears. Instead, she held my arm tighter and pressed her body into mine.

“No. Not one. At least not about what we just did.”

Relief washed over me. It shouldn’t have meant as much as it did, but I didn’t want Ren to feel shame for what we just shared.

“So you’re okay?”

“Not really.” She rolled over to face me, and I wrapped my leg and arm around her to keep her warm. Her bottom lip trembled. “I’m gonna cry,” she said. “It’s not about what we did, but please don’t judge me.” She buried her head in the front of my sweatshirt as the sobs took over. I had no idea why she’d think I’d judge her for crying. “I know you wanted me to stay away from Blake,” she sucked in a ragged breath. “I should have. I should’ve stayed away from all of you. I’m going to get you killed. I’m like a ticking bomb.”

“Shh.” Her body shook in my arms, and whatever it was that had been poking at me broke wide open. Like a damn rushing to the sea, I was done for. It was join or drown at this point. “Hey, as we just proved, we are used to this world and a lot more resilient than you’re giving us credit for. We were always going to live a life of bullets and fear, Ren. We aren’t innocent bystanders, and if it’s not your family, it will be another. That’s the hardest part to understand about being born into this life. You’re never at ease, you’re never safe, and every time you go to sleep, wake up, and make it through the next day is a blessing.”

Ren pulled back enough that I could see her red-rimmed eyes that held so many emotions. Trying to pin what she was feeling was like trying to throw a dart at a spinning board.

“But you said….”

“I said that because I was scared for my brother. But not because of you, because of his using. I’d never felt so helpless in my life as I did that night. I’m not sure you’ve noticed, but I don’t like not knowing something or being out of control, at least not about stuff like that.”

Ren smiled and wiped her eyes. “I hadn’t noticed, actually.” I loved how she still managed to tease me back.

“I’m sorry for what I said. I shouldn’t have interfered.” She looked away but snuggled closer. Fuck, I felt all protective over her now, this wasn’t good. Stepping back when we got home was going to be an issue unless I could get this under control. “We should get some sleep, and then we’ll talk about what happened and make a plan in a few hours.”

“What if I don’t want to talk about it? What if I just want to cry that….” She sucked in a ragged breath. “Ever since the night my mum died, it’s felt like more bad shit was coming, like a faucet was turned on and is still running. I got my aunt killed.”

“No, your aunt almost got you killed. Let’s not get it twisted. No one knew where the fuck we were until she decided to call home. I don’t mean to speak ill of the dead but don’t turn this around. She knew the stakes, and she made a bad call, and you almost died. Remember that.”

“I don’t know if I can talk about this right away. I need to process,” she said.

“Then I’ll fuck you again instead,” I said and smiled as her lip tugged up. “Try to rest. We have a long, hard ride in front of us.”

“We should take care of your arm. They must have something here for you to clean it and wrap it. I know it’s not deep, but I don’t want you to get an infection.”

“Will you go to sleep if I go find something,” I asked, shocked that she was worrying about me after everything. The sentiment touched my heart.

“I promise to try.”

“Fine.” Getting up, I shoved my feet in my boots and wandered around until I found a small section of first aid items. There was a square bandage pack and gauze, as well as peroxide. That would work. Walking back to the office, I held up the stuff, and Ren got up and came to me. She took the bandages and set them aside before making me hold my arm out so she could pour the peroxide on the red line.

“This was close. Too close. I’m sorry.”

“Did you shoot me?”

“No, but….”

“No buts. I’m fine. I’ll live. It’s only a flesh wound. Stop overthinking. We just got you to stop. Can we stay that way for a few hours?” The corner of her mouth turned up as she nodded.

“There, all done,” she said, tucking the little tail from the wrap so it was secure.

“Great, now get back into bed.” She lifted a brow but didn’t sass me as she got on the desk and let me hold her.

“Theo?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. I know you didn’t want to come with us, but I’m happy you did.” What the hell did I say to that? “Also, I know it was you who came up with an escape plan if the house was attacked.” She was right, I was. “I just wish….”

I snuggled as close as I could, pulling her tight against my body. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry she’s gone, Ren. Now go to sleep.”