Page 113 of Humility

I cupped his cheek, and he leaned into my touch.

“I’m going to mess up again. It’s not a matter of if. It’s a matter of when, and that scares me.”

“Angelo, you once more underestimate me. I won’t stand for you treating me like you did, and yes, you will need to grovel for me to forgive you.” Angelo smirked. “But how I feel has never wavered even when it should’ve. If I could turn it off, I would’ve done it long before now. I don’t expect you to be a perfect man or husband, but I deserve your respect.”

“You’re right, you do.” He groaned and rolled out his shoulders.

“Angelo, you aren’t your grandfather or your father.” His eyes locked on mine. “You are your own man. You choose how you treat people, how you treat me.”

“My father never hit my mom,” he said far too quickly. I didn’t know if his father had or hadn’t, but the worry was back in his eyes. “Not that I ever saw, anyway.”

“I never said he did, but I wasn’t talking about how he treated your mom. I was referring to how he treated you. I don’t remember a single party or meeting I was allowed to attend where he didn’t make fun of you or talk down to you. He was always poking at your intelligence or how you would never be a real man and end up embarrassing him.”

Angelo suddenly stood, and paced across the small cobblestone garden. His shoes thumped loudly as he attacked each step like he was mad at the ground. Dark shadows crossed his eyes. They didn’t last long, but I knew I’d hit a nerve.

“Don’t pity me. Don’t do that,” he finally barked out.

“Is that what you think I’m doing?”

“Isn’t it?”

The anger in his eyes was evident, but I saw what was hidden under the dark glare. In some ways, he was still a little boy looking for his father’s approval. But he never needed it. That was what he didn’t understand.

I shook my head and stood. Walking toward him, he stepped back, reminding me of a caged animal. Grabbing his fists, I waited until he took a breath and opened his hands before linking my fingers with his and holding them to my heart.

“When you look at me, what do you see,” I asked. The defensive look softened, and his hands held mine tighter.

“I see the closest thing this earth has to an angel. You are the best parts of this world and strong enough to deal with the crap it tosses at all of us. Your unwavering spirit is what always ignited my desire for you. I hated that when I bullied you, you wouldn’t stay down. You confused me so much, but now…now, I would protect that light at all costs. You’re someone I never deserved, but I wanted all the same, and I’m enough of an asshole to keep you.”

I swallowed the happy tears and emotions that threatened to derail my thoughts.

“But you don’t pity me because my mama passed away or see me as less of a woman because I miscarried our child.”

His face paled. “What? No, never. I would never.”

“Then why do you think I pity you for the things that made you stronger? I see a good man, despite the callous way your father treated you, someone who deserves all the accolades and is worthy of love. All I’m asking is for you to see yourself through the same lens you see me and treat our relationship with mutual trust, honesty, and respect. Thinking you’re a bad person and unworthy of me isn’t healthy for either of us.”

He stepped away, as all the walls and doors he used to hide the tender man that lived inside of him slammed closed before my eyes. I couldn’t understand why he was so vehemently against seeing himself in a different light, but it was obvious that he did.

“I can’t talk about this right now. Will you meet me for dinner? Just the two of us in my office? Say seven?”

I let it go for now and nodded. Angelo kissed my hands before dropping them and walking away. It felt like he was still hiding even when he should be screaming his accomplishments from the top of a mountain. I looked around at the large country property and didn’t understand why Angelo was even here. Why wasn’t he back home ensuring he had his seat at the table? What the hell had his father done to make him run this far from home? This far away from me?

I glanced over as the two guards, who had become my babysitters, stepped up to the mouth of the garden and took up their posts once more. My guards were much like the walls in Angelo’s mind. They may protect us, but they were no less debilitating to our freedom.

Leaving the sadness and heavy talk behind, I brushed my fingers along the soft red petals of the roses and walked to the greenhouse. I’d planted a seed in Angelo’s mind, but just like everything else, I couldn’t force it to grow.

Chapter Fifty

ANGELO

I can do this.

I can do this.

I repeated the chant as I waited for Jasmine to arrive for dinner, but it wasn’t helping. Grabbing the window frame, I stared out at the darkening sky, and terror gripped my throat. Coming clean about everything I’d done since leaving her was a weight hanging around my neck that threatened to drag me down. The killing, torture, and partying in excess were only the tip of the iceberg of shit I could never take back.

When Don Falcone said no to me for the final time, I shut down and stopped caring about anything other than a job well done and numbing the pain. Jasmine deserved to know everything, yet the thought of her leaving…no, that couldn’t happen.