Page 93 of Fate In Fiction

“You look as annoyed as me,” my niece groans as she walks up to me.

“Mallory, you’re eight. What could possibly annoy you today? Pretty dress, check. Pretty hair, check. A giant floor to twirl around on and think about love? Check.” I down my drink as her big brown eyes roll and her arms cross.

“Ugh, Uncle Adam knows how much I detest my classmate Julien Beaumont, and he is here!” Her voice rises with disgust, and she looks around for him.

“Love, hate. They’re a fine line, honey.”

“Well, I’m not dancing with him if he asks.” Her chin tilts up. “I don’t need a plus one.”

“I hear ya, kid.” I scan the crowd, feeling a bit of anger at how easily I let Josie go. But I needed to. She needed me to. “May I have this dance?” I hold out my hand to Mallory, and as we walk to the dance floor, a familiar eighties rock song comes through. I requested a boy band song earlier, knowing I’d get a laugh at the guys looking around and wondering who would request such a shitty, unfitting song for the wedding. Some women would enjoy the song, at least. I shake my head and begin to leave the dance floor.

“No, come on. We don’t need a slow song to dance.” Mallory tugs my hand as my pace slows. “This one sounds fun!”

“One dance,” I say, and she twirls into me with a smile. My heart stops when the song doesn’t finish, and blends into the three radio requested songs I pay daily to play for Josie. It has my heart beating faster, but I don’t think much of it as I have Mallory tugging on both my hands. She jumps from side to side, keeping hold of me, and I feel like a lunatic as I join her. I force a smile so she can have her moment.

The music fades out, as the opening to “Back Here” sounds through the speakers. This was not the shitty boy band song I requested. Mallory grins with a mischievous look and skips past me. Turning to follow her, I realize the dance floor around me is empty. Not a single soul is in the room except the DJ and Mallory as she skips toward the door. The music lowers as the DJ nods, walking toward the door, where long red hair drapes over an olive-green pantsuit.

“Josie,” I breathe, expelling all the air that was once in my lungs.

"Hi.” Her voice strains as her face scrunches, fighting back tears she doesn’t want to let fall.

“Lauren said you weren’t coming.” I feel my feet move forward all on their own, but refrain from taking her in my arms like I instinctively want to.

“I didn’t plan to.” Her fingers fidget as she inhales deeply.

“And I understand why. I had some work to do on myself as well.” I feel a lump in my throat grow as she sucks both cheeks in and nods. She shakes the feelings away and tries to level her expression.

“Have you been enjoying the helicopter?” Her voice wavers with uncertain excitement as she mentions my forever goal.

“I put the funds to better use, actually.” The helicopter would only be a negative reminder of losing the one person who means everything to me.

“I saw one of your videos last week. At first, I was angry.” Her arms lift to cross over her chest. “I was upset and hurt that it took you so long to research my condition that I blatantly mentioned.” Arms uncrossing, they slap against her sides. “I’d never been more vulnerable with someone.” Her voice cracks, and for the life of me, I fight to blink back my own tears. “And then you throw out that you want to me to have six kids...” I can’t even place how much worse it feels for her, because the sting in my heart is unbearable.

“I should have realized you were trying to hint at me asking you more about it.” I take her hands in mine, and relief relaxes my lungs as she lets me. “Josie, you are the best thing that has ever come into my life. I’ll keep proving to you and the world that my eyes are open. To open everyone else’s eyes so they’re aware of what some women have to go through.” She nods as tears well in her eyes. “I never wanted to make you feel any less important in our relationship.”

“I’m sorry to you and myself for ignoring the conversation about my funds.” She drops my hand and wipes a tear. “I just loved you so much. Sooo much, Emmett, and I was trying to hold on to every moment with you.” I feel nausea surface with her use of the past tense.

“Loved?” Is she really here to smash the last nail in the coffin of us? “What did you want to say the night you walked away? I saw a look on your face.”

Slowly, she walks forward, unsure of herself. “It was easier to leave than to risk the possibility of disappointing you.”

“The woman who changed my goddamn universe for the better could never disappoint me, little darlin’.” I keep my tone firm. There is nothing that could make me send her away.

A small shrug and half-tugged smile are all I receive, and I realize she still hasn’t gathered the strength to voice it out loud.

“Was your time away everything you hoped for?” I move onto a lighter question.

“It was amazing.” She smiles as I watch her look off to the side and reminisce. “Big, yet at the same time, so many different cultures and things to see in one small spot.” Nodding, I reach forward and slide loose strands of hair behind her ear the way she always does. “I put my Spanish to use and stayed with a family in a village in Spain. I ate my weight in pasta, and drank fine wine in castles when I ventured Italy. My roommate in London was a gem.” Her voice trails off as her eyes fall shut. “I’m not proud of how I resorted to regretful methods in order to escape the pain of losing you.” Telling eyes turn my stomach, and I refrain from any further questions. “I learned. I lived. Eventually, in my moments of happiness, I’d forget about you and me. Until, the seconds later from coming down off the high or seeing the morning light, there would be an ache with how much I wanted to share the moment with you.”

I swallow, wishing we could go back in time to avoid all the pain. “God, I love you. So much. But you needed to follow through with your plan.”

“I never felt full. Something was always incomplete, no matter how I tried to fill the void. I didn’t want to burden you with my medical issues or pressure you into being with me out of pity. I knew I couldn’t bear to hear you break things off if I couldn’t follow through with the six kids you wanted.”

“Josie.” Her jaw rests in my palms as my thumbs brush over the apples of her cheeks. “I threw a big number out without thinking. You’re from a big family, and I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“I still have a lot of things to learn in life. To explore. And it would be nice to have you by my side.” A shaky breath deflates her lungs, and I cannot breathe as I wait for what’s coming. Her teeth clamp down on her cheek as she holds herself together. “But…”

“Honesty, little darlin’. We need to communicate for this to work.” My hands stay cupping her face, and the pads of my thumbs wipe more tears away. “Say what you need to.”