Page 88 of Fate In Fiction

His heavy inhale turns into a long sigh as his head drops to his hands. “Fuck,” he growls in frustration before staring at the wall. “I was so worried this would happen. I kept telling myself it wouldn’t.”

“Our relationship shifted in Miami.” I scoot a bit closer, but he won’t look at me. “How was I was supposed to tell you I have access to leave you after finally giving in to my feelings?” My heartbeat thumps through my ears, unsure of what to say. “We wouldn’t have what we have now. It would have changed things.”

“You don’t get it. You said you’d always be honest with me.” His head tilts backs as his pained voice stabs at my heart.

“You never asked, so it wasn’t really a secret.” Okay, so I was scared to tell him.

“This is my fault for having the assumption you’d tell me about your funds and we could talk about what came next for us.” He stands as disappointment washes over him. “That wouldn’t have meant we are over.” I don’t like the tense he just used and feel my heart stutter in my chest. “You’re allowed to put yourself first too. I didn’t think a small age gap would interfere, but it clearly has.”

“You don’t want me because I don’t want to take off and go gallivanting anymore?”

“You just showed your age. Which is fine. Normal. I just never wanted to alter your choices.” He looks around the room and sits back on the couch, as if he doesn’t know how to react. “I want you, Josie, so fucking bad. But not like this. I’ve lived it up, explored on my own.” He throws his hands up. “You even do your university online, so you don’t even have a dorm room experience. I can’t be the reason why you don’t follow through with your plan. It’s something you’ve wanted for so long, and now you’re letting it go…”

“So… we’re calling it quits? You’re serious?” I feel like I can’t breathe. This can’t be happening. I know how much he cares about me.

Now the other issue doesn’t even matter. I’d rather believe this is the reason he doesn’t want to be with me anyway, not because of what I can’t give him.

“Yeah, at least for now.” Sitting beside me, his hand reaches out to cover mine. Slowly, his head turns as his glassy eyes travel over my face, like he’s memorizing it. It makes me want to scream and sob and hide myself away. “I’ll always want you. I love you. But you need to test the waters and have your own journey before I completely believe when you tell me I am who you want to be with.”

“Why can’t we stay together while I go on this trip? I don’t understand. You said it didn’t have to mean we were over, so why does it now?” I’m desperate. I’m confused. I can’t accept this. His hand squeezes mine, sending a pinch straight to my gut.

“Seems logical, right? Josie, I thought you’d tell me about your funds and we’d have an adult conversation about you going off. I’ll always support your dreams too. But you hid it from me and started to change once we admitted our feelings. I can’t live with knowing you aren’t going to live your life to the fullest because you love me.”

“It’s not as terrible as you’re making it out to be. I know what I want.” His hand lifts off mine as emptiness begins to settle in. “I want you. I’d rather be here with you.”

“Tell me I’m wrong whenever you decide to return from your trip.” He speaks with such verification, and my stomach officially drops to my feet. “If I’m still worth your heart, I’ll welcome you back with open arms. Selflessness hasn’t been something I’ve aimed for until now. You deserve that. You deserve everything. I just want to make sure this is truly what you want after you discover more about yourself.”

Selflessness. That’s what I should be doing. Making sure for his own good, he gets everything he wants in life. Making sure I am with a person who takes the time to research things about a loved one. My sadness transforms back into frustration as that thought hits me.

“Even if I had left before in the appropriate way, I can’t give you everything you want out of life.” I push the confident tone through and channel the anger at the world onto Emmett. “Out of a family.”

“Josie, don’t talk like that. Nothing needs to be rushed.” Just like him caring enough to do a quick internet search about my diagnosis. He saw how much pain I was in, how he had to care for me, yet he still took it at face value.

“I’ll tell Lauren I won’t be able to make it to their wedding.”

“That’s in three months. I wouldn’t jump the gun on that.” Emmett’s tone cuts me as I inhale sharply and hold myself together. “You might be back.”

“I can’t let myself deprive you of your wants either.” Here I go, creating a partial miscommunication that everyone, including myself, rolls their eyes at in every book. But, given my situation, I know I can heal faster without him knowing the whole truth.

“I want you. I don’t think you’re hearing me. I want to be with you.” Now he’s pleading, and my will almost cracks at the look on his face.

“You don’t get it, and I don’t know where to start explaining...” Disappointment fills my soul as he tries to piece things together.

“Josephine Callahan. If you need to say something. Say it.” He stands, following me toward the kitchen.

“I gave you many invitations.” I shake my head and slip on my shoes, before grabbing my keys and phone. “I’ll be over Monday morning to gather my stuff. By the end of this week, my plane will be touching the grounds of Europe.” Clearing my throat, he stands there, blindsided. “Goodbye, Emmett. Thank you for a few months of happiness and experiencing love. You deserve a woman who can give you everything. Just like you’re trying to give to me.”

“This isn’t about the trip, is it?” Desperation swims through the air between us. “What did I miss? You went to say something before the text came in.”

“I wanted to bring up what I thought you already knew, or at least cared enough to ask questions about.”

Keeping my head down, I bolt out of the hotel into the beautiful sunset, but the chill of the mountain air freezes my heart. Slamming my car door, I make my way down the quiet country road. My jaw aches from clenching it so tight as my lungs beg, screaming for air. I pull the car over as my vision blurs, eyes shutting as if that will miraculously halt the tears cascading down my face.

Exhaustion weighs on me after a final wipe of my eyes and a deep breath. Thankfully, Hanson is preoccupied in the garden, and I leave the keys in the car. I wave at a distance and dodge the interaction of him parking. Pulling together the courage, I sneak as quietly as I can into my family’s house. I can easily lock myself in my room unnoticed until tomorrow morning. Each step up the stairs feels heavier than the last. As if every secret has caught up to me. The last few steps await me, when footsteps sound in the entryway.

“Phinie,” my father calls out with pride. “The interview with Emmett was such a joy. You didn’t tell me he was doing one.”

My head angles low and to the side as my hand grips the smooth, iron stair railing. “He’s a great guy,” I force out on one breath.