Page 22 of Risking it All

“Ms. Bonner, your fiancé wants to see you. He’s been waiting in the lobby for hours.”

“Fiancé?” I frowned, wondering how the hell Roderick had found me.

My head was pounding, and I felt like I needed to throw up. It took a few seconds for me to get my bearings, if being able to form a complete thought meant that I’d gotten my bearings. Eventually, it registered to me that I was in the hospital.

I remembered the very moment that I decided that I was going to end it all. It was right before the dark and sexy security guy started hitting on me at the bar. I knew that I wanted to go out with a bang. I’d planned to see a show and drink myself into a coma before taking a handful of my mama’s pain pills.

I wanted to take Reed with me just to show The Force and my dad how detrimental their business practices were to a person’s psyche. Sometimes, to facilitate change, you had to make huge sacrifices. Since Reed was currently indisposed and wouldn’t be back for a long while, I had to change my plan.

There was no way I was going back home. I refused to subjugate myself to any more of my family’s abuse. I damn sure wasn’t going through with that wedding. I couldn’t see a way out of my situation, so I had to make one. Well, at least I’d tried to make one. Apparently, I couldn’t even do that right. If my fiancé was here, then I might not have to worry about living much longer. He’d already told me how willing he was to take a life all in the name of the rules of The Force.

“Ms. Bonner?” the nurse called again.

I had to get used to that name. It took a while for me to remember who the hell Ms. Bonner was. People around here had been calling that name, and I didn’t even realize they were talking to me for a while. Eventually, I remembered the name from the cards Emerson gave me.

“Hm?” I asked weakly. So far, my body was having trouble catching up with my mind.

“Your fiancé, Mr. Ash, is very worried about you. He’s the one who found you passed out in your hotel bathroom. He’s been here all morning, waiting to make sure that you’re OK. If you don’t feel like having any visitors right now, we can send him home.”

“Mr. Ash? You mean Sawyer?” I asked, frowning.

My parents would be so disappointed that I’d given up my virginity to a man whose last name I didn’t even know. That was all the more reason for me not to go back home. Even if I lived long enough to get there, as soon as they found out that I’d been tainted, I would end up in a shallow grave.

“Yes, Mr. Sawyer Ash. He said that he was your fiancé. He came in with you. Is it OK for him to come back and visit? I can get rid of him if you don’t want any company.”

I sighed as tears slipped from the corners of my eyes. He came. Not only did he come, but he waited. I didn’t even know how to begin to process that information. Sawyer didn’t even know my real name, but he was here. It was probably part of his security protocol or something. Then again, why would he have to tell them that he was my fiancé if it was part of his job to make sure I was good.

I had no idea why he felt like he needed to be here. It was humiliating that I’d tried to take my own life right after he showed me such a good time last night. What I did was not about last night. What I’d done was about me not having any hope for my future. If I had to go, I wanted to do it on my own terms. Now I had dragged Sawyer into this mess. The least I could do was assure him that I was OK, even if I didn’t really believe it myself.

“No, it’s fine. I wanna see him.”

“I’ll let him know you’re awake.”

When the nurse left the room, I closed my eyes. I was still so sleepy. Even after people had been in and out asking me questions about wanting to hurt myself, I was exhausted. I didn’t think I could hurt myself, even if I tried. I just wanted to sleep. When I heard someone come into the room, I didn’t open my eyes.

“She’s still very tired, but she’s awake,” the nurse explained.

Maybe after seeing that I was fine, he would just leave. I didn’t want to face anyone, especially not Sawyer. He had been so sweet to me, not to mention the things he’d done to my body. Every decision I made last night was based on not being here today. Now I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt the weight of his hand sweep my hair back from my face before he kissed my forehead.

“I was so worried about you, mama. Don’t do that to me again, baby,” he whispered, placing a second kiss on my cheek.

The big, strong, self-assured man who’d made me feel desired and protected all night sounded so small and defeated that it broke my heart. I never meant to drag him into my horror show of a life. Tears leaked from the corners of my closed eyes, but I couldn’t look at him. How could I ever look at him again? I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes. I didn’t want his pity. I just wanted to disappear.

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” I heard the nurse say before the door opened and closed.

When I was sure the nurse was gone, I finally opened my eyes. Sawyer stood next to the bed with both hands resting on the railing as he stared down at me. He studied my face like my eyes held all the answers he was looking for. He looked disheveled dressed in a black button-down and slacks that I was almost certain were from last night. Of course, they were. Dark circles made his eyes look tired and sunken, and his lips were dry, but God, was he still so handsome. How could I have pulled him into this mess with me?

“I’m sorry,” I finally muttered.

He shook his head. “Don’t apologize to me. Just tell me what you need.”

“I can’t ask you for anything. I’ve already caused you enough trouble.”

“I’ll be the one to determine how much I can handle. Tell me what you need from me, Iris.”

“Nothing.” I shook my head.

“Is Iris your real name? Who is Z?”