Page 17 of Open Net

I squeezed her hand one more time before stepping away. “I’ll see you in a second.”

She nodded.

I followed Kelly through a maze of halls until we entered a small room with several sinks. “Wash your hands and any other exposed skin.” She handed me a bright orange bar of soap and stood at the sink next to me. I followed her lead, scrubbing like it was life or death. What did I know? Maybe it was.

After I toweled off, she led me into a white, sterile operating room. Emma was already in the center with a curtain over her middle. I went to her and she reached out for her hand. “I’m here, baby.” She nodded as the team of nurses got to work.

I peeked over once to see Dr. Hopkins making an incision. That was enough for me.

“What’s going on?” Emma asked sounding a bit calmer than the last time I saw her. Hopefully Kelly gave her something to help her relax.

“They’ve already started,” I said, feeling nauseated.

“I don’t feel it.”

“That’s good.” I might not be able to unsee this, but knowing Emma was oblivious to the pain was a relief.

Her eyebrows pulled together. “This is weird.”

I forced myself not to react at the sight of the doctor’s hand inside my wife’s cut-open belly. I closed my eyes and thought of nice things. Blocking a goal, puppies, the ocean. Nope. It wasn’t working. This was something that would haunt me forever.

I focused only on Emma, holding her hand and whispering how much I loved her. The second a cry erupted I jumped up and looked between the arms of the doctor and nurses to see a red, angry bundle flailing. Tears flooded my eyes until I blinked, trying to clear my vision. “Emma, you did it.” I choked out the words around the lump in my throat.

I stared down at her to see her beaming. She was my superhero. She was absolutely incredible.

“Congratulations mom and dad. Here’s your baby boy.” Dr. Hopkins lifted our baby enough for Emma to see him before turning and handing him off to a nurse. He was smaller than I thought was possible. His precious skin was covered with whitish clumps and the realization that he had actually just come out of Emma washed over me. I’d just witness a miracle.

“We have a boy.” Emma whispered crying more than me.

“You did so good, babe. I’m so proud of you.” I kissed her forehead as my tears fell.

She smiled. “Go see him. Make sure he’s okay.”

I nodded and wove my way through the room to where the nurse was bathing him off. His screaming continued to make me smile. “You’re a tough one.”

I smiled down at him as the reality of the moment washed over me. I had a son. This impossibly tiny human was mine. He was part of me. The moment I’d seen him I knew.

I counted his toes and fingers. Admired his little feet and squished face. He was perfection. With each heartbeat my love for him grew. I didn’t know it was possible to be so in love with someone I had just barely met. It was more overwhelming than anything I’d ever experienced. One look and I knew I would do anything to protect him. To fight for him. To make sure his life was full of happiness.

Did my parents feel this way when I came into the world? Or had they always been aloof and indifferent to my presence? I shook away the negative thought and followed the nurse as she took him to the warming table and began taking measurements.

“He’s four pounds, ten ounces. Eighteen inches long.” The nurse smiled at me. “He’s little but he’s strong.”

I nodded. He was perfect.

I turned to tell Emma. The doctor was yelling to one of the nurses and another was running across the room. “What’s going on?”

The smile on the face of the nurse next to me disappeared. “She’s hemorrhaging.”

Kelly was next to Emma using suction while Dr. Hopkins’ hands moved quickly around Emma’s middle. Blood covered the table, too much blood.

I hurried to her, but her eyes were closed. “What’s happening? Why isn’t she awake?”

They ignored me. The doctor barked, “Get her blood.” A nurse jumped at the doctor’s command and soon another IV was inserted in Emma’s arm.

“Emma, honey. Stay with me.”

Someone put their hand on my arm. “We need you to move away from the table.”