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“Because I’ve been there,” he said gently. “We’re more alike than you think. Only I hope you’ll be a lot better than me.”

“How did you know? With Sidney.”

“That’s easy. He was the only one who stuck around, even when I behaved truly terribly. I tried to push him away multiple times, but he wouldn’t leave. We might be vicious to each other, but I love that man more than anyone I’ve ever met. He’s the other half of my soul.” He smiled softly, then squeezed my hand, a glint returning to his eye. “Only, don’t tell him I said that. He’ll be so smug I admitted it to someone.”

“I won’t.” I sighed and slowly let go of one of Norman’s hands to wipe my eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Here.” He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to me so I could dry my face and blow my nose.

“Thanks. For everything. I appreciate you listening to my rambling.”

“Of course.” He patted my hand. “It’ll be all right, I promise. But you have to talk to him, Rupert. Don’t wait around for the right moment, because there never is one.”

“Never?”

“No. Even in plays there is only ever the most dramatic moment, not the right one.”

I smiled and nodded, wondering if I’d take Norman’s advice or not. It all made sense, but I couldn’t be sure I’d actually listen because my brain tended to prioritise avoiding action in any situation that might lead to me getting hurt, even if the outcome could be a good one.

At least I knew what was bothering me now. But I didn’t feel any better for it.

I almost felt worse.

The problem was out in the open, under a giant spotlight, and the only way to deal with it was for me to push past my fear of rejection and take the initiative. I’d probably have more luck teaching Lizzie to play the piano.

I didn’t have to do it now, though. Or even this week. It wouldn’t matter if I waited a while. Figured out what I wanted to say and got my thoughts in order. Milo and I could still hang out and fuck. After all, I didn’t want him to get suspicious.

And sex was an excellent distraction.

I put Norman’s handkerchief into my pocket, promising to wash and return it, and then retreated to the back of the shop under the guise of getting a drink. Instead, I pulled out my phone and opened my thread with Milo, a tiny smile playing across my lips as I typed.

Whatever happened in the future, at least I could still hoard his attention now, collecting memories like a dragon to relive later when everything changed. I could remember his touch, his kisses, his moans, the taste of his adoration and sound of his obsession with me. Those thoughts would get me through the dark nights when all I had left was myself.

Rupert

What are you doing right now? I’m doing stock take and thinking about the other night, the way you begged when I rode you and the sound you made when you came inside me. I want to feel you inside me again.

Milo

Fuck Rupert, you can’t just say that to me! I’m getting hard in the middle of Tesco!!

Rupert

Come round to mine later and I’ll make it up to you. I promise <3

Milo

Can’t wait, sweetheart. You’re going to look so perfect bouncing on my cock.

Rupert

Yeah? Tell me what you’re thinking about

Chapter Seventeen

Milo

I groaned as Rupert’s hands tightened on my hips, my fingers scrabbling for purchase against the sofa cushions as he pounded me so hard I was pretty sure I was going to end up with bruises across my thighs.