Page 62 of Indecently Daring

She pulled a face. “No. My aunt said Mrs Hogget is very particular about unmarried ladies visiting her vicar. She won’t allow it. It’s one of the main reasons she got the job, apparently, which I am all in favour of. I don’t want the likes of Miss Steadman causing you bother, but as of this moment, it’s a blessed nuisance.”

Harry laughed and offered her his hand. “Can you climb? I think there’s a pot down there, perhaps if you… yes, that’s it.”

He steadied her as she hiked up her dress and clambered onto the windowsill. There was a moment or two of muttering as she fought an excess of skirts and petticoats and had to squeeze the lot sideways through the narrow opening. Once she was through, Harry put his hands about her waist and lifted her down. Her hands tightened on his shoulders, and he could not resist the temptation to pull her close.

“Good morning, Miss Cadogan,” he said quietly, staring at her in wonder.

“Good morning, Reverend Martin,” she replied, lips twitching. “Though you might not think so when you get called up to the house.”

Harry’s good humour dissipated. “I was afraid of that. They didn’t take it well, then?”

“Mama did,” she said with a shrug. “But it’s exactly the sort of harebrained thing she expected me to do.”

“Finding yourself in compromising circumstances with a vicar?”

“Oh, yes,” Alana replied, not paying his scepticism much mind. “She said something of the sort would have happened ages ago if I’d not buried myself in the countryside of late, and she only hopes you’re not too stuffy and won’t make me repent all my sins. She doesn’t want me to be a bore at parties, because she says sinning is a great deal of fun, but that’s not the trouble.”

“Ah.” Harry nodded. He hadn’t much of an answer for that.

“It’s Papa.”

His stomach dropped to his boots. “He knows who I am, or rather, what I was,” he guessed, feeling decidedly queasy.

“I rather think he does,” she said gravely. “He’s not said anything yet, but when Uncle Jasper said your name, Papa asked him to repeat it, and then he asked for a word with Uncle in private, and that was an hour ago and they’ve still not come out. So… I thought I ought to warn you.”

Harry regarded her for a long moment, his guts churning. “And you, Alana? Have you changed your mind? I should not blame you if—”

She reached for him, her hands cupping his face as she pulled him down for a kiss.

“I’ve not changed my mind,” she said, sounding a little breathless. “We’re getting married, Harry, so long as you’re sure. You were rather trapped into it.”

He snorted at that, daring to pull her even closer. “I wasn’t trapped, love. I took advantage of the situation. There’s a big difference. The truth is, I’d already decided I had to persuade you to marry me before the day of the auction.”

“What?” She stared at him, so obviously shocked that he laughed.

“It’s true.”

Alana put her arms about his waist, staring up at him. “But I thought I was a problem you wanted to go away?” she said, the lingering hurt in her eyes making him want to cut out his tongue for having put it there.

“Because I was afraid, Alana. I didn’t think I could ever have a wife, a family, after everything I’d done. I was… I am afraid that I’ll mess up. When Montagu offered me that drink, I wanted to accept, and if I had, it wouldn’t have stopped there. I’ve known that for a long time now and it’s something I must fight, all the time. It never goes away.”

Harry swallowed, not wanting to illustrate his weakness to her any further than he already had, but she deserved to know the truth, to know what she was taking on.

“I used to think I could just have one drink, that I could control it, but I can’t. I can’t stop once I’ve begun. I’ve come this far, which believe me is a miracle if you’d seen what I’d become, and I’ll never stop fighting, Alana but… but what if I’m not strong enough? What if something happens that sets me off? What if—”

“I believe in you.”

The words were calm but utterly certain, the sincerity in them enough to take him to his knees. No one but Michael had ever believed in him, not really, but he could see she meant it, and the knowledge settled inside him, strengthening his resolve, reminding him that he was stronger than he had ever realised, that he would not let himself down again. For if he let himself down, he would be ruining her too.

“Alana,” he whispered, his good fortune so great he hardly knew how to account for it. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”

“Harry Martin,” she said severely, scowling at him. “Don’t talk such utter rot. You were in the gutter, ruined, and you fought back. You turned your life around and devoted it to helping others. You deserve every good thing in life, but if you think marrying me is going to guarantee you nirvana, you’ve got the wrong girl. I’m not exactly a restful companion, if you’ve not noticed.”

Harry grinned at her. “I noticed, love.”

“Well, you’re not supposed to agree with me,” she said with a huff.

“But I like you just as you are. I like that you challenge me, that you’ll tell me if I’m being an idiot. I like you, Alana Cadogan. Very much.”