Page 11 of Time To Learn

There’s no use thinking more abouthim.

I’ll never see him again.

* * *

I read somewhere oncethat keeping a journal might be able to help me out of the darkness that held my mind prisoner for so long. I don't know if it has, but it's become a habit of sorts in the past year. One that I can't, and won't, break now. It gives me comfort, even though there is usually no rhyme nor reason to what I write init.

Placing the pen on my nightstand, I breathe deeply as I read through my latest entry.

Being a mother is the most important job I will ever have. And it is a job, yes. Everyone who states otherwise has either lost their marbles, or they are wealthy enough to hire a nanny.

Being a mother means lying awake at night, wondering when your little girl went from being a toddler to a young lady with a very strong opinion about pretty much everything. It means feeling guilty because you can't shield her from all the hurt in the world - and, trust me, you'll want to, even though you also know that adversity in life will make her grow stronger. But, most of all, being a mother is about loving your child unconditionally, no matter what happens.

I love Ailith with everything that I am. She knows it, because I tell her often, and I know she sees the truth in my eyes when Ido.

But when I can't sleep, and I'm worrying about pretty much everything as usual, I can't help but wonder if my weaknesses in the past have damagedher.

Will she make the same mistakes as Idid?

I hope that she'll never have to phone me in the middle of the night, sobbing madly, snot running down her chin, because a guy has broken not only her arm but her heart and her trust. The arm will heal - her trust won't. And her heart will forever be damaged.

One thing is certain, though. If she ever does, I'll kill the man who hurtsher.

I have killed to protect her once before - I can do it again if I haveto.

“Tha mo ghion ort,” I whisper as I close my journal, placing my palm flat on the leather. I love you with all my heart. The darkness has lessened again - at least for tonight.

* * *

“Laura.”

Underneath my blankets, I grunt at Mum knocking on my bedroomdoor.

“Laura, it’s already six a.m.” Her muffled voice sounds as disapproving as it did when I was a teenager. “Time to getup.”

Yawning, I stretch.

“Coming, Mum,” I mumble. I rub my eyes, trying to clear the sleepaway.

“Don’t make me come in there, you hearme?”

My eyes spring open when the memory of Mum tossing a bucket of water on my head flashes through myhead.

“I’m up!” I shout as I toss the blankets away from my head. I squint as the soft glow of the sun hits my eyes, and situp.

“Good. Breakfast will be readysoon.”

I nod as I hear her feet walk away from the door to my room. I shudder when I run my tongue over my teeth, hating the unpleasant taste, and I stand from my bed to go to the en-suite bathroom. As I brush my teeth, still not fully awake, I think about my schedule for today.

Mum runs our farm, New Beginnings, and I spend most days taking care of the horses that are brought here to either have their final days in peace or to be rehabilitated. Some are show horses that can’t compete anymore, due to the strain on their joints or other injuries. Some are old racehorses—not really old, but too old to run anymore—but most of them are Gypsy Cobs that have been overbred by thoughtless people who, too often, leave them to die of hunger and thirst when they can’t be bothered to take care of them anymore.

There are too many people in this world who shouldn’t be allowed to breathe because of the way they treat animals.

The beauty of horses is that they only judge you if you are unkind to them. If you treat them with love and respect, they’ll always be faithful. They’re not humans, after all. But it’s hard to gain the trust of a horse that’s been badly mistreated too much for too long, and Thunder is the perfect example ofthis.

Feeling more awake, I spit toothpaste into the sink. Today is a big day, as one of our older racehorses, Malik—a beautiful, seven-year-old chestnut Thoroughbred - is being picked up by his new owners, and will be leaving us forgood.

While I’ve tried to do do my research on the family, I’m still a bit anxious about how he’ll takeit.