Page 188 of Rookie Attraction

“I’ve never,” Karson pauses and shakes his head. “Fuck, I’ve never said this out loud before but I… I… shit, this is hard.”

I pat his shoulder.

“Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”

He coughs and clears his throat.

“I’m gay.”

I still, and so does my brother, as we stare at each other in stunned silence.

“Fucking hell, I can’t believe I finally said it,” Karson whispers.

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.

“I’ve been locking that down for so long,” Karson continues, his voice shaky. “Because of the game. The fear of losing hockey is why I’ve kept up the lie, and I don’t know if I can stop. I act confident, but that’s all it is. An act. Look at me and look at you. I’m not brave like you are, Sel.”

That statement snaps me out of my shock.

“Don’t say that, Kar. I thought the same as you, and look how long it took me?” I give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Does anyone else know? Your friends? Atticus?”

He shakes his head.

“No one,” he sighs. “Well, someone, but no one really.”

I’m confused.

“Anyway,” Karson continues. “I’ve tried, you know, dating women, and I keep up the flirting, but it’s never felt right. I knew how I felt for a long time, but I never acted on it. Not until I was twenty-one.”

That was the year he played in the Olympics.

Karson shakes his head. “And before you ask, I don’t want to talk about it.”

I’m curious, but I don’t push.

“And you’ve been living with this secret all this time?”

Karson nods and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Damn, it’s good to finally get that off my chest. I should’ve told you sooner.”

“You told me when it felt right.”

Karson runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

“I didn’t see a way that I could be me and still have a career in the league, not until you came out publicly. Ever since, my mind’s been churning, working overtime. I know it’s been hard for you, and Chicago was a mess, but you seem to be thriving with the Rush. And seeing that lovestruck expression on your face has me kind of envious. I never allowed myself to imagine it was possible, but now⁠—”

Instead of replying, I pull him in for a hug. We’re both shaking.

“Thanks for telling me, Kar. It’s gonna be alright.”

“Thanks for listening,” he mutters and slaps my back. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything until now, I just⁠—”

“You have nothing to apologize for. It’s your life, Kar, you decide.”

We pull away from each other but not before he taps my leg.

“One other thing. I’m not ready to tell Mom or Atticus. Not that they’ll have any issue, but first I need time to figure out, you know, how I want to do this, the next steps.”