Page 71 of Roses & Ruin

“Obviously, Rose.” Delia levels me with a look. “But here’s the thing. When you’re freshly turned, everything gets dialed up. Emotions, impulses, attachments. What might’ve been a passing crush for a human can feel enormous. All-consuming.” She exhales through her nose. “For a new vampire, rejection doesn’t just sting. It burns.”

With a shaky exhale, I scrub both hands down my face, feeling nauseous. “How do you know Julian wasn’t a vampire the whole time?” I ask.

“I would have sensed it in class. It’s easier to do when vampires are in close proximity. So it must have happened recently,” Delia says.

“Okay. Right.” I frown, thinking. “He was sick, remember I said? The day I went to his office. He said he was hungover, and he looked terrible, but…is that what it’s like? When, um, humans change?” I look at Delia, who looks at Hayden.

Hayden’s resting his head against the glass, scowling out the window. He doesn’t look back at either of us. Delia rolls her eyes and turns to me.

“Tough to say. Everyone’s different, right? So symptoms can be different. But given the timeline, yeah…he might have been bitten already. Question is…by who? Is Julian’s attack on Rose strictly personal, or is Julian’s maker involved too?” Delia starts tapping her fingers nervously on the bedspread. She sucks her bottom lip between her teeth. “I didn’t even know there were other vamps in the area,” she whispers. “Did you, Hay?” Hayden’s shoulders slump a little. He finally turns from the window and faces us, slipping his hands into his pockets.

“No,” he says softly. “I had no clue.”

A sad quiet settles between us. I wonder if we’re all thinking about him right now: Nicolai. I wonder if they’re thinking about how a very long time ago, Delia lost the love of her existence because she and Nicolai hadn’t realized there were other vamps in her area at the time as well.

Eleven days suddenly seems like an impossibly long stretch of time to survive.

Oh my god. I really might die again. In fact, it’s looking very likely I will.

I don’t even realize I’m hyperventilating until I’m sandwiched between Hayden and Delia.

“Breathe, beautiful, come on.” Hayden’s cool cheek is pressed firmly against my temple, my hand in both of his.

“It’s gonna be okay, Ro-Ro, we’ve got you.” Delia’s on my other side, rubbing my back and patting my leg.

“I’m—I’m g-gonna l-lose you both again. I don’t w-wanna, now that I’ve f-found you, I don’t w-wanna die—”

Hayden cups my face and meets my eyes. “Not. Gonna. Happen.” But even I can see a shard of fear in his fathomless ocean eyes, glinting in the dark.

“They can’t kill what they can’t find,” Delia suddenly says. She fixes Hayden and me with a ferocious look. “You’ve never been killed by the weather, or an accident, or some act of god. Right?”

Hayden’s expression sharpens with something like hope. I frown, thinking hard.

It’s true, isn’t it? In my nightmares—real-life deaths—there was always a hand on the hilt of a dagger cutting me open or holding me beneath the water or tipping the poison into my food. There was always a human behind the final blow, elusive and faceless.

Hayden and Delia are staring at each other like they’re reading each other’s minds. Who knows, maybe they are?

“So,” I croak, pulse thrumming, “you’re saying that Julian trying to kill me is connected to the curse somehow? And that I should just…hide from him?”

“That’s the idea,” Delia says. “Go somewhere no one knows about. Wait it out. In the past your deaths have come so suddenly, from such unpredictable sources, that there was no way to prepare or protect you. But this time, you know about your previous lives and who is coming for you. Maybe that’s the difference. If you can hide from Julian and make it past your birthday, maybe that will not only save your life, but break the curse once and for all.”

Hayden’s eyes go wide as he processes what Delia is saying. Then he nods, like her plan is just crazy enough to work. “What about your place in Canada?” he says.

“No.” Delia shakes her head. “When I say no one knows, I mean…no one can know. Not even me.” Her eyes go distant. “What if Julian’s maker is superpowerful? What if he can read minds?”

“Oh god,” I say, suddenly light-headed. “Is that a thing?”

“No, absolutely not,” Hayden declares. But then he looks at Delia and his eyes are less certain.

“I’ve never heard of an ability like that,” Delia says, “but no reason to take chances.” She fixes Hayden with a solemn look. “You know a place you two can go? Remote? One no one knows about?”

Hayden drops his gaze to my face. He’s smoothed his features to a careful calm, unreadable once more.

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, I know a place.”

Chapter 26

I stamp impatient footprints on the snow-covered dock, waiting for Hayden to fetch his boat. It gets dark very early now, especially this far up north.