Page 54 of Roses & Ruin

“Been dreaming of doing this to you for so long,” Hayden gasps against my mouth. “Been killing me, being so close and not getting to—” I cut him off with another needy kiss. I want to keep tasting him. Keep feeling him. I pull him even closer.

When my tongue presses against a long, sharp fang, I suck in a hot breath.

Hayden jerks back, looking stricken. “Sorry. Shit. Sorry.”

“No, no.” I grab his hair, hold his mouth near mine. “Don’t leave.”

“They don’t scare you?” Hayden’s breathing is ragged.

“No,” I pant. “Do they ever scare me?”

Hayden’s eyes heat. “Never.”

“Why are they out? Do you want my blood?” Why does the idea of that go straight to my core? I wonder if Hayden notices. My question seems to make him dizzy, his already hungry eyes falling darker and hungrier.

“Always,” he grates out. “But my fangs also extend when I have…other wants too.”

“Oh my god,” I exhale.

The fact that this gorgeous, immortal creature wants me is waking things up within me that I never knew lay dormant. My body’s been sleeping for eighteen years, it feels like. And now that it’s awake, it’s hungry.

I’ve never felt like this before, so out of control. So desirous and desired. How have I gone this long without feeling like this? Like my insides were hot and melting, like I could come apart if Hayden just leaned forward and blew on my neck? Feeling mindless, words start tumbling from my mouth.

“I liked when you tasted my blood,” I say, leaning down to lick Hayden’s neck. His head falls back and he makes a hurt sound.

“Rose,” he grunts, half warning, half pleading.

“I want you to drink from me.” I hardly know what I’m saying. Words are just spilling out of me, my tongue loose from how badly I want him. “I want you to make me feel good. Drink my blood, Hayden. Drink me.”

“Enough.” Hayden’s hands fly to my hips, stilling me with a stern grip. Breathing hard, I pull back, eyes wide, heart ricocheting. Hayden’s trembling, eyes squeezed shut, his long, sharp fangs glistening in the firelight. “You can’t…it’s been so long, I’m afraid I’ll…” He moves a hand to the wall by my head, and the drywall cracks. My heartbeat redoubles, a rush of fear and excitement making my already skyrocketing pulse sing.

“I trust you,” I whisper, uncertain even to my ears. A dark, shaky laugh rushes out of Hayden.

“Not sure I trust me.” He opens his eyes, his gaze all pupil. “I don’t think you appreciate how much I’m having to hold back here. I want…” As if he can’t help it, he leans down, bringing his mouth inches from mine. “I want…The things I want to do to you…”

“I want to bite you,” I gasp out. I have no idea where the urge comes from, but once I say it, I realize I’ve never wanted anything more. Hayden’s eyes go impossibly darker.

“Where?” he breathes. The need in his voice has me leaning forward. I capture Hayden’s bottom lip between my teeth, and I bite. I bite hard. Not only does Hayden moan, he pulls me against him hard, his hips jerking against mine involuntarily.

I can never go back, I think as he whirls us around to the couch. This is the only life I want, I think as he lays me down beneath him. Hayden’s eyes go wide and glistening, need and love whirling in his gaze. With a soft gasp, he leans down and presses his mouth to my neck.

“I missed you, Rose,” Hayden says in a broken voice. “I missed you so much.” He kisses up my jaw and back to my mouth, kissing me deeply. “I can’t lose you again. I’ll die if I do. I’ll die.”

But I can’t listen to him say that, so I shut him up with deep, rich kisses, knowing that out of all the things I have recently learned, it is this right here that has turned my world inside out; it is not the truth of vampires or magic or my reincarnation that has rewritten my universe.

I am reborn by this: the knowledge of what it feels like to have Hayden’s lips on mine, of the sounds he makes when my tongue tastes his skin, of the urgent cadence of his voice in my ear as he tells me over and over, I’m yours, Rose. I’m yours. I’m yours forever.

Chapter 19

I’m touching my mouth dreamily as I unlock my dorm room this morning, my lips still warm with the memory of Hayden’s goodbye kiss.

I fell asleep on his couch last night, lulled by the heat of the fire and Hayden’s arms wrapped around me, my head tucked into the crook of his neck. It was precisely the way I’d wanted to be held my entire life.

As I drifted off, he tenderly pressed a finger to each one of my freckles, as if relishing in his reunion with the constellations on my skin he’d memorized lifetimes ago. He could rip this house from its foundation, I thought, but he’s being so gentle with me right now that if I were a bubble, I wouldn’t pop.

I woke up this morning to Hayden watching me, elbow propped on the back of the sofa, his cheek leaning on his palm, his expression dark and unreadable. “Good morning, beautiful,” he murmured as soon as I blinked my eyes open, just like out of a movie, and I’d covered my face, overwhelmed, thinking, Even in the most romantic movies, no girl is this lucky.

I know that technically nothing’s been solved. There’s still a looming doomsday countdown to my nineteenth birthday. We’ve still got no true idea how to prevent my death. But being with Hayden last night slotted a lot of puzzle pieces into the gaps of my life. Even if we don’t quite know how to solve anything yet, at least we’ll go through it together.