Page 21 of Catching Feelings

“So…” I’m grateful for Ryan’s efforts to connect me with his seemingly infinite friend group, but my mind is stuck on one detail. “Sabrina? She’s the head of the Spirit Committee, yeah?”

Ryan nods. This guy is really giving me nothing.

“She’s been really nice. Really welcoming.”

That’s when he turns to me with a jolt, like he’s been stung in the ass. “You’ve been talking to Sabrina?”

I nod slowly, and he whistles.

“Damn. I’ve barely been able to have a single conversation with her this fall. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she’s avoiding me!”

I frown. Stronger reaction than I expected. “Were you…” I hesitate, trying to figure out how to phrase this. “Together?”

Ryan squiggles his mouth noncommittally, wobbling a hand back and forth in the universal signal for kinda-sorta. “We had a flirty thing going.”

My stomach twists into a knot, and I have to fight the flush that threatens to rise to my cheeks. I play it off as casually as I can, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. “You have a flirty thing going with everyone, Ryan.”

“Hey, not true!” he protests.

Just then a gaggle of people walk past, waving at Ryan. “You ever going to respond to my snap?” one of them teases. “It’s a good one! But it’s the last you’ll get if you leave me on read!”

Ryan slowly turns back to me, a sheepish look on his face. “Okay, okay, point taken. But Sabrina and I, like, hooked up.”

I reel back. Shit. Not what I was expecting. I immediately have to repress the image of the two of them with their hands all over each other, and then the flash of irrational betrayal that floods through me. “Oh. Okay.”

My cheeks are hot, flushed. I take one step forward after another, doing my best not to stumble. There’s no reason to be affected. I’m not trying to start something this year. Who cares if Ryan had a thing with the girl I barely know?

“Then she disappeared all summer, to North Carolina or whatever!”

“South.”

Ryan shoots me a questioning look, and I shrug, trying to play off my suspiciously specific knowledge. Luckily, he’s preoccupied, and just waves a hand through the air dismissively. “Whatever. Whenever I try to talk to her about it, she blows me off. Acts like nothing ever happened!”

I wince. “That sucks, bro.”

I think I’m pulling off casual, like it doesn’t matter to me. But now I get why Sabrina acted so spooked when she found out I’m staying with Ryan—that he’s my cousin. It would be kinda weird for us to go to the dance together, given the off vibes between her and Ryan. The opposite of zero drama. But she doesn’t seem to want to continue whatever they had—and it’s her decision, isn’t it?

I’m drooping like an old balloon that’s had all the helium sucked out of it. It’s irrational. And yet…

“It’s not like there aren’t any other girls at this school,” I say carefully. “Why don’t you try getting with someone new? Help you move on?”

“I know, I know.” Ryan sighs. “I’ve tried. I hung out with Haley this summer—”

“—and Olivia—” I prod.

“—but it feels weird leaving things unresolved like this. I just have this sense that Sabrina and I have unfinished business, you know?”

I nod, but my stomach is sinking. It’s way too soon for me to be this upset. A sign of just how out of place I am, I guess. How nice it was to have Sabrina to soften that. To protect me from the wolves and help me feel less alone.

Sabrina’s the first person at Hamilton Lakes who I’m really getting to know. The guys on the team are nice and all, but it’s not like we’re going to be close friends this year. I’ve learned my lesson there, and we all know they’re just hanging out with me because we’re on the team together. And Ryan’s friends seem great, but they’re Ryan’s friends.

Sabrina and I actually clicked. I really like being able to connect people… the chance to really get to know and appreciate each other… I fear I might never be bored… The hair falling out of her ponytail, the smile curling up her lips, the delicate skin at her throat…

Maybe I should take this as a sign from the universe to keep my distance. It would be the smart thing to do. And no way am I trying to mess things up for the guy who’s taken me under his wing and done everything he can to share his friends, his life, and his carefree happiness.

But all I can think is: If Ryan has genuine feelings—which would be new for him—I won’t get the chance to know Sabrina for real. To find out more about what thoughts she’s hiding from. To laugh wholeheartedly again.

To make her feel like her emotions are understood, and so are mine.