Page 268 of Between Two Kings

His voice was distant. She wondered how far away he was, whether he was somewhere in the forest, running from her. Or whether he was already on his way back.

I need your help.

What is it?

There was no time to worry about formalities, no time to present the question in a palatable manner. Tem simply had to know How do I stop myself from hurting him?

A pause. Caspen would know exactly what they were doing right now. He had ordered them to do it, after all. If it were only sex, it wouldn’t matter. But this was Leo, and Tem loved Leo. This would always be different. Perhaps Caspen wouldn’t help; perhaps he wanted her to injure him. But that would hurt Tem almost more than it would hurt Leo, and she knew Caspen would never allow that.

You must concentrate on something else.

But there was absolutely nothing else to concentrate on. Leo’s body was naked beneath hers—open and willing and defenseless. Her basilisk side thrilled at the thought.

Like what?

Anything.

I can’t think, Caspen. I can barely breathe.

Focus, Tem.

What would you think about?

Another pause. I would think about how I would feel if you died.

Tem couldn’t imagine thinking about such a thing in a moment like this. The sadness she would feel if Leo were dead—specifically if she were the one to kill him—was unbearable. It overtook any arousal she was feeling, twisting her stomach into a painful knot. Sex suddenly seemed impossible. But then how could you go on?

You must allow only your body to experience what is happening before you. Keep your mind under control, and no harm will come to him.

But it was an impossible ask. Tem wanted to flay Leo alive. It was the only thought in her mind, even stronger than her lust. Leo was pliable and vulnerable and human. Nothing could be more alluring to her—nothing was more tempting than the open pulse of his throat. Tem wanted to sink her teeth into him—to devour him as Caspen had once devoured her.

Her basilisk side wanted to hurt Leo. Her human side wanted anything but. Her human side wanted him to live a long and happy life, free of any danger or bodily harm, preferably far away from any basilisks at all. It was a dream that would only come to fruition if he lived through tonight. The guilt of killing Leo would be insurmountable. Tem knew she wouldn’t survive such loss.

Caspen’s voice whispered in her mind: Your love for him must be stronger than your desire to hurt him. It is as simple as that.

His voice was fading.

Tem stared at Leo. Caspen had said it was simple. But it was anything but. It was complicated and difficult to suppress her basilisk side—to tame the monster that strained in its cage. But if Caspen had done it for her, then she would do it for Leo. There was no other option.

Tem pressed her hands to Leo’s chest, pushing herself up. She looked down at him, concentrating not on how he felt inside her but how she felt about him. Tem loved Leo. Always would. It was a basic truth between them, and it would not be tainted or destroyed by this night. Instead, this night was a way for Tem to demonstrate that love: to put into practice the words she’d said so many times. It wasn’t enough to tell him she loved him. She would show him instead. She would keep him safe.

“We have to go slow,” Tem whispered. “It’s the only way I can do this.”

Leo nodded, his pupils blown wide with fear and arousal. He looked like a man on the brink. “Then we shall go slow.”

For a moment, neither of them moved. Then Leo sat up, bringing his torso to hers and wrapping his arms around her waist. They were perfectly intertwined, their lips an inch apart.

He kissed her gently.

Tem kissed him back just as gently, threading her fingers into his hair and holding him against her. She focused on the way his tongue felt against hers, on the softness of his lips and how they contrasted with the sharp points of his canines. His gold teeth used to bother Tem, but they didn’t anymore. Now she understood that they were a part of him—no different than her freckles being a part of her. Leo could not run from his past nor was he trying to. Leo was simply trying to be better in the future. It was all Tem wanted for him, and it was all she wanted for herself too.

Leo’s hands were in her hair, tangled in her curls. Tem knew he loved those curls. She pictured the way he always twirled them around his fingers when they talked, pulling them gently so they bounced back up again. She thought of the way he’d gripped them in the library, pulling her head back over the desk. It was his way of touching her when he couldn’t really touch her—his language of connection when they had been so utterly disconnected.

Tem missed Leo.

They’d been robbed of so much together. An entire marriage, to start. But also mornings waking up together, evenings falling asleep in each other’s arms, breakfasts and lunches and dinners at the castle. Evelyn had gotten all of those things. Evelyn had gotten everything that should have belonged to Tem.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered against his lips.