Page 73 of Split or Swallow

“Oh,” she said out loud, then clamped her mouth shut, and thought it instead:

Oh.

She could feel his amusement, and with it, a weight came off her chest. Finally, the barrier between them was lowered. Finally, they were connected, just as they were always meant to be. Talking to Caspen was like sending her thoughts down a long, dark corridor and through an open door—one that until now, had been locked tightly. It felt natural to be joined with him like this, and Tem couldn’t believe it had taken so long for him to allow it.

So, Tem. Is there something you wish to say to me?

Now that they were having a conversation, Tem found herself suddenly afraid. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to say, and she certainly wasn’t sure how to say it. But Caspen was here, in her mind, and she didn’t want to lose access to him. So she asked:

Did I do something wrong? Earlier, I mean.

He was not beside her, but she could hear him sigh.

You did nothing wrong.

She felt relief at his words, but wasn’t sure if she believed them.

But I did do…something, didn’t I? Or at least…I caused something.

It felt like forever before he spoke again. When he finally did, his voice was but a whisper inside her head:

What happened was not your fault. It was mine.

Tem summoned the courage for her next question:

But what, exactly, happened? I don’t understand.

For the first time, Tem sensed Caspen’s hesitation. He was always so sure of himself; now his caution scared her. She worried he might not answer, or worse, cut off their connection altogether. Instead his voice returned, still quiet, still subdued:

I lost control.

Tem processed his answer, wishing for so much more. She remembered the way he had pulled away from her when she’d pressed herself against him—his roar of agony that had nearly ripped her apart. She needed answers, even if he was unwilling to give them.

Did I hurt you?

Caspen’s presence grew in her mind.

It is I who hurt you.

She shrugged, and she was sure he could see her.

You healed me.

His disapproval was obvious. It curled like an iron in her mind, probing at the back of her neck. It was a curious sensation, and although it wasn’t necessarily pleasant, she savored it, because it meant that he was still here. Tem needed to keep him with her. She spoke before he could:

Will our lessons continue?

The probing stopped abruptly.

Of course they will continue.

An incredible lightness shot through her.

So you’re not angry with me?

His mood softened.

I am angry with myself.