Page 53 of Indebted

“Now do you understand?”

I’d started to turn numb. I nodded, while internally trying to glue the parts of me back together that had been shattered. I lifted my chin. “We both have something more important to worry about.” The words tasted hollow.

Justin’s eyes burned into mine, but I refused to give him what he was searching for. I didn’t need him. I’d been fine on my own, to think otherwise had been a foolish dream.

“Katie,” he stepped toward me and this time I let him, because I had to prove to myself that I didn’t need him. That I wasn’t crumbling from the inside.

When he cupped my face, it took all my resolve not to fall into him—to not taste his lips.

His lips parted, but I didn’t want to hear anymore. “Goodbye Justin.”

It physically hurt to pull away from him.

Chapter 18

That night Zoe let me crash at her place, where I made my way through half a pint of cookies and cream ice cream, and if I sniffled and wiped at my eyes, Zoe didn’t press me for details. It was exactly what I needed. I knew she was dying to know what had happened, but for tonight, I could wallow in silence.

After Zoe had gone to bed, in the dark of night, I lay awake and let my tears fall.

Sunday went by in a blur.

Justin had texted me Sunday night, letting me know that I didn’t need to come to the clinic. I spent all Monday morning in class, ruminating over the messages. At lunch I broke down and told Zoe everything.

I showed her the text messages. “Now he thinks I’m not going to show my face? He’s going to keep paying me because that’s the kind of guy he is, but there’s no way I’m going to let him do that without me putting in the work.”

Zoe munched on her chips as if I was some TV drama she was engrossed in.

“I pay my way, Z. I’m not going to be indebted to him—no more. I’m supposed to hear from my potential buyer today,” my stomach flipped and flopped just thinking about it. “This could be the day my life changes forever. For good.”

“Promise not to bite my head off?”

I squinted at her, already knowing I wasn’t going to like her words. “No promises.”

“Justin changed your life for good.”

My bruised heart gave a lurch. “He has his clinic, that’s what he wants. I have my program, that’s what I want.”

“That’s a load of crap and you know it, right?”

I leveled her with a look. “I thought you were supposed to be on my side.”

She reached over and gripped my hand, squeezing. “I am. You were happy, this, this whole going through the motions for a job? It doesn’t light up your eyes, Katie. Not like he did.”

“It’s stupid, Z. We knew each other for a hot second.”

“Emphasis on hot,” she winked, her face sobering afterward. “But seriously, when you know,” she shrugged, “you know. No matter how shitty the circumstances.”

I studied my friends face. “Why does it sound like you’re speaking from experience?”

She waved me off. “Hey, we’re talking about you here, not me, remember? All I’m saying is that you love him and that’s worth a shot before you become a big shot programmer and leave us for some other city.”

“He already made it pretty clear he chose his clinic, Z.”

“Did you straight up ask him?”

I bit my lip. “No.”

“Do it. You owe it to yourself. Get your closure, put yourself out there, ask if he wants to be with you, if he’s willing to be with you and then move on from there.”